Prologue: Did You Just Kidnap the Wrong Royal?

WONDERLAND was struck by a terrible rumor: the Demon Lord of the North was after the princess.

The king, in response, assigned his son Jean and the butler Seb as her last-minute royal guard. He also assigned his finest men to guard the palace.

The Demon Lord of the North and his demonic legion marched into Wonderland just a few days later.

“Where is she? There’s no use hiding!”

The palace guards fell one by one, unable to so much as land a scratch on his demonic legion. Before long, the Demon Lord found his way into the princess’s hiding place.

“Rejoice, for not only do you get the honor of becoming my wife, but you also get to bear my children as well!” he declared.

The princess hid behind Seb.

“O-Over my d-dead body!” Jean jumped out in front of him, holding out his sword, legs shaking uncontrollably, tears gushing from his eyes.

“This is Wonderland’s finest? This girly boy right here? Ha! Could’ve fooled me.”

“I won’t let you lay a f-finger on my little sister you, you monster!”

“Little sister, you say?” The Demon Lord sunk deep into thought.

The palace guard put up an uncharacteristically pitiful display, and one half of her royal guard consists of this fair-faced, effeminate male who can’t even hold back his tears. Something doesn’t feel right…

He looked at the princess. She met his gaze head-on, her stare combative.

The Demon Lord now knew exactly what was off.

“I see… She’s a double. Ha! Thought I’d just take the bait that easily? Give me your name, O knight in shining armor.”

“Jean. What’s it to you—” The Demon Lord swept Jean right off his feet in a feat of unparalleled agility. “L-let go! Let go of me!”

“Those doe eyes, that straight-edged nose, those plump lips, the glimmering golden blond hair… You’re not fooling anyone, Princess Jean.”

“M-Me? P-Princess? I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong per—”

“Despite all odds, she refuses to drop the failed act. How admirable, my wife-to-be.”

“Listen! I’m the prince and that’s my little sister Alice hiding behind our butler.”

“You mean to tell me that’s the princess? He’s got a pretty face, and the dress fits him nicely, I’ll grant you that! But the death glare and aggressive body language lead me to believe otherwise. But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to make sure.” The Demon Lord tucked Jean’s shoulder-length hair behind his ear, softly blowing into it.

“Ahh, not my ear, uuugh…” A shiver ran down Jean’s spine, his cheeks turning bright pink.

“Need I say more? Enough talk! Our wedding ceremony awaits!”

“H-Help! Please!”

Alice was about to charge in, only for Seb to stop her dead in her tracks.

And just like that, the Demon Lord took his triumphant leave.

“It appears we got off scot-free, aside from Prince Jean’s unfortunate kidnapping,” Seb muttered.

“Why? Why him? Is it because he’s cuter than me?” Alice shuddered in defeat.

“Relax…”

“Sure, he’s got a pretty cute face, but I’m a girl and he’s a boy. I win by default, right?”

“Calm down…”

“Why were his cheeks flushed? What were those moaning sounds? Was he trying to entice the Demon Lord? Is he secretly a pervert?”

“Simmer down…”

“He’s cuter than me… Cuter. Than.Me…”

“Deep breaths…”

“No, no, no! I’m cuter! Cuter than some guy,at least! He did it on purpose; he must have! How else could he pick so wrong? I’ll kill him; kill him good; real good! First, I’ll give him a taste of my fist, then my foot, then I’ll chop him up into tiny little pieces! Then finally, I’ll take those pieces and tenderize them till there’s nothing left!

“Breathe in…”

“‘Breathe in,’ he says. Would you shut up already?! A guy beat me at my own game, Seb! A GUY! My purest of pure hearts, torn to pieces!”

“Breathe out…”

“I said SHUT UP!”

Alice yelled, sending shockwaves throughout the palace.

❤❤❤

HAVING taken the time to collect her marbles, Alice could now properly assess the situation at hand.

“Awfully levelheaded, aren’t we?” Alice said to Seb.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Jean just got kidnapped, remember?”

“I was told to protect the princess, not her brother or anyone else.”

“I can respect that. Now make us tea.”

The two sipped on their tea without a care for the trashed room, nor the fact that everyone else was busy collectively losing their heads.

“Didn’t put up much of a fight, now did they? The king’s ‘finest’ men.”

“How could they? The Demon Lord thrives in war while they wouldn’t know the first thing about it.”

“And what about you, Seb? Would you happen to know a thing or two about war?”

“Well, besides mastering every armed martial art there is to master, I spearheaded the Monster Extermination League back in, shall we say, less peaceful times.”

“Never heard of it. Are you by any chance a lot older than you look?”

“Let’s just agree I’m forever twenty-three.”

Seb was an enigmatic fellow. Everything about the man was shrouded in mystery, aside from his name and line of work. However, the crisp suit, the spotless white gloves, and the well-kept black hair all betrayed his fastidious side. He also happened to be tall and quite handsome, all of which made him quite popular with the ladies.

“Regardless, I need you to tell me one thing—can you take on the Demon Lord?”

“Provided it’s a one-on-one fight.”

“Well then, what say we teach this Demon Lord a lesson, you and me?

“I’ll pass, thanks.”

“What was that?”

“With pleasure, my lady.”

❤❤❤

“SO, you do wish to rescue Prince Jean?”

“I couldn’t care less about what befalls Jean’s virginity. I want to introduce the Demon Lord’s face to my fist, nothing more. Besides, he’ll get tossed out the second they realize the ‘he’ part.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. Demons have access to sex change magic, or so I’ve heard. And given Prince Jean’s looks, it’s likely only a matter of time until he’s bearing the Demon Lord’s children.”

“Now that would be a fun sight…but I can’t have a princess cuter than me exist on the same planet, now can I? I suppose we may as well rescue him while we’re at it.”

“With great haste, preferably.”

“Let’s get a move on then, shall we?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Come again?”

“Your orders, my lady.”

Seb—having received his orders—exited the room, leaving Alice all to herself.

Alice slipped into a comfy mini dress, then she went over to the mirror and bunched up her wavy, golden blond, waist-length hair into wavy twintails. Her unique brand of cute easily rivaled that of Jean’s.

She then rustled through her closet—a hodgepodge of deadly weapons like daggers and guns—and stashed anything worthwhile.

Alice was in the middle of stuffing her shoulder bag with the bare essentials when Seb brought in Lilith—one of her servants.

“Yes, my lady?”

“I hear you dream of a simpler life; an endless loop of nothing but eating and sleeping.”

“I, erm…”

“I’ll be gone for a bit, and I need you to put on a dress, eat whatever you’re brought, and sleep like your life depends on it. Whatever you do, do not set a single foot outside this door. If anyone tries to come in, turn on the waterworks, tell them you want to be left alone, anything. Just make them go away.”

“A world where I get to do nothing but eat and sleep?! Count me in!”

Lilith dived into bed without further inquiry, unable to quell her primal urges.

“And that’s about everything. Father’s hyper-fixated on Jean at the moment; that’ll buy us more than enough time. Off we go then. I’m expecting great things from you, Seb.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

“Your wish is my command.”

Through clever use of a secret passageway, the two slipped out of the palace.

❤❤❤

ALICE handed Seb her golden tiara and a hastily scribbled note.

“Sell it, then buy everything on this shopping list.”

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

“Yes, just make sure to…you know…”

“Go through the black market to avoid tracing and inform the king that it was stolen?”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself. See you at Hatta’s place.”

“I’ll be there in an hour,” Seb said as he disappeared into the shadows.

❤❤❤

ALICE rushed to an item shop on the very edge of the town.

There lived the brother and sister Hatta and Haigha. The three went way back.

Alice swung the door wide open the second she got there.

“Welcome, Prin—Princess?!” The shop boy quickly got down on one knee.

“Make me tea. I’m parched.”

“R-Right away.”

Alice plopped down on a chair in the corner of the room and took a sip of the tea.

“Tastes cheap.”

“S-So, Princess, what brings you to our humble shop? Something to do with the recent attack?”

“Right, I almost forgot. Where’s Hatta and Haigha?”

“Hatta’s at the City of Mirrors and Haigha’s at the Mysterious Forest.”

“Huh, guess we won’t be seeing them around any time soon. Also, a cookie, if you could.”

“C-Certainly.”

I hope she leaves sometime soon, the shop boy thought. But in fact, she did not.

❤❤❤

SEB pulled up outside the shop in a coach within the hour.

“Food, water, cookware, blankets; I took care of just about everything, my lady.” He bowed.

“Fine work, as always.”

“I don’t see Hatta or Haigha with you.”

“They’re out. Let’s get going before someone finds us.”

Alice hopped in the coach, and before long, they left town.

“Should I head straight for the Demon Lord’s castle?”

“You said you could take on the Demon Lord provided it’s one-on-one. We need them for this to work. Hatta’s currently at the City of Mirrors and Haigha’s at the Mysterious Forest. Let’s pick them up along the way.”

“City of Mirrors it is then.”

And so, Alice set off on a quest. A quest to knock some sense into the Demon Lord…and maybe rescue Jean if she had the time.

Chapter 1: The Winged Beasts Strike

A few hours later…

“It’s nice to get some fresh air every once in a while, don’t you think?”

“It really is a nice change of pace.”

Alice and Seb made their way to the City of Mirrors, slowly but surely. They were in no particular rush—rescuing Jean was just a “side mission” after all.

Alice had it pretty easy. Monsters? Seb handled them no problem. Food needs? Seb had those covered as well.

“We’ve arrived, my lady.”

“Good, now we rest, then we look for a crowd. Where Hatta goes, the crowd follows.”

They parked the coach at a local inn and began wandering all over town. Soon after, they came across a large gathering in the town square.

“If demons can successfully invade a castle, just imagine what they can do to us! Here before you lay a whole assortment of items that’ll fend those pesky fiends off for dirt cheap! Get one while you still can!”

A curly-haired little misfit riled up the crowd while holding out his top hat. He was, in fact, older than Alice, despite how much younger his vest paired with shorts made him look.

The items—capitalizing on the fear in people’s hearts—sold like hotcakes. They completely sold out in a matter of seconds.

“Buncha suckers.” He scooped up some gold coins from his signature top hat, staring at them with glee. “I’d thank the Demon Lord myself, if I could.”

“About that…”

“A-Alice… Seb? What’re you two doing here?” he asked, whipping his head back.

“We’re looking for a certain someone named Hatta. You might be familiar with the name.”

“You mean me? Sorry, I’ve got places to be. Bye!” He tried to make a run for it, only to be cut off by Alice.

“Hear us out first.”

“Alright, alright. Quit glaring at me.”

Seb filled Hatta in on the situation now that he’d given up on running.

“Well, he does give even the hottest chicks a good run for their money, looks-wise,” Hatta said afterward, grinning and scratching his cheek.

“And that’s where you come i—”

“Nuh-uh. I want nothing to do with this!” he declared.

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“Nothing good ever comes out of your ideas, Alice.”

“Well, now you’re just being rude.”

“Oh really? Did you forget the time I almost got burnt to a crisp when we were harvesting dragon scales because you thought I’d make for a good shield? Or the time you used me as bait in that cave? I almost saw the light, Alice. The light! Or the time you—” He continued to rattle off all his grievances with Alice for what felt like an eternity.

❤❤❤

“I’M going to need both of your help, Hatta.”

“That’s still an easy ‘No’ from me. I wanna expand the business; I don’t have time to be playing your silly games,” Hatta continued to decline.

“I have a little something that might just interest you then.” Alice took off her necklace and handed it to Hatta, smirking. “It’s worth five hundred gold coins. That’s more than ten years of your life.”

The jewel-encrusted necklace shined brilliantly.

“…What’s the job?”

“I need you to help me take down the Demon Lord of the North.”

“…Wait, what about Jean? Aren’t you going to rescue him?”

“Jean could get turned into a girl and give birth to the Demon Lord’s child for all I care. What matters is the fact that he chose Jean over me. That I simply can’t forgive.”

Poor Jean. Pity for the prince washed over Hatta.

“Ideally, I’d like to introduce his face to my fist, treat him to a lead salad, chop him up into pieces and tenderize them into nothing. But that’d be a little too gruesome, so I’ve decided to settle for the classic punch-trample-condescending-stare combo!” Alice huffed.

“Are you crazy? This is the Demon Lord we’re talking about here, not some generic slime monster.”

“That’s where our boy Seb comes in. He can take on the Demon Lord, apparently. Provided it’s one-on-one.”

“Huh.” Hatta tilted his head in surprise, to which Seb responded with a courteous bow.

Thescreams of horrified townsfolk filled the town square not a moment later.

“We’ve got a monster on our hands!” someone screamed as a monster attacked people in the square.

“Seb, you can beat the Demon Lord as long as we clear out all the trash, right?”

“In all likelihood.”

Mere trivialities, such as the incessant screaming, did not faze the two in the slightest.

“Guys? There’s a monster trashing the place, you know,” Hatta pointed out.

“Who cares?”

“What do you mean who—actually yeah, you’re right. That mushroom thing looks mighty weak anyways.”

“Mushroom?”

Alice and Seb finally bothered to look at the chaos.

“Oh, that. It didn’t taste too good…”

“I’d say it tasted awful, even,” Seb agreed.

“You put that thing in your mouth?!”

“It didn’t taste anything like a mushroom. Strange, isn’t it?”

“It’s a mushroom monster, not a mushroom! Also, not only does that sound disgusting, you could’ve gotten poisoned, too!”

“No worries, Seb prepared it and force-fed it to some other monster first just in case.”

Seb bowed.

“Is that really where you should bow?!”

“If you really want one, just say so already, jeez. There’s some left over in the coach; you can have them.”

“Were you listening to a single word I just said?!”

These two are going to drive me up a wall. I can’t do this. Hatta glanced at the necklace. But this is over ten years of work resting in the palm of my hand.

“If Seb goes down, I’m bailing.”

“Fine by me.”

And so, Hatta joined the party, unable to resist the allure of wealth.

❤❤❤

AFTER spending a night at the inn, the three replenished their food supplies and headed out north to recruit Hatta’s little sister.

“A coach, huh? Living the high life, I see. Well, maybe not Seb. I can’t imagine he’s having the time of his life.”

“Hey, Hatta, Haigha’s at the Mysterious Forest, right?”

“Yeah, she is.”

“She got her hands on a Boundary Stone, didn’t she?”

Hatta flinched, sweat dripping down his brow.

“Don’t even try hiding it from me. I know that this rare item, capable of deploying a barrier so powerful, even the Demon Lord himself couldn’t pass through, can only be activated with Holy Water—an ingredient only found in the Mysterious Forest.”

“You don’t plan on taking it from us, do you? We worked hard for that stone. Bundled with the Holy Water, that’s thirty gold coins we’re talking here.”

“Quit your whining. I’m offering more than ten times that. Anyway, how big is it? From what I understand, the bigger the stone, the larger the radius.”

“Twenty-meter radius big.” Hatta took the Boundary Stone out of his item bag and showed it to Alice.

“With this, we can set up the ideal one-on-one environment.”

“Oh, I see! You plan to trap the Demon Lord inside since no one can enter or exit the field so long as it’s active. Sounds like a no-brainer, now that I think about it. Beating the Demon Lord might be easier than I thought.”

“We’ll need healing magic to activate it. That’s where Haigha comes in. How fast can we get there?”

“A week, give or take.”

“Won’t do. Any other ideas?”

“Haven’t had a chance to use it myself, but we could try an alternate path through some monster lair I’m not too intimately familiar with. Wouldn’t take a day.”

“Monsters, hm? Seb, stop here. Let’s have an early lunch.”

Seb pulled over in a beautiful grass field and got straight to cooking.

“That right there’s the sound of a skipped breakfast.” Hatta was doing some light stretches when his stomach suddenly started growling.

“Want some?” Alice held out a plate. On it rested a most delectable sandwich.

“How oddly kind of you. Don’t mind if I—bleurgh! What’d you put in this?”

“Mushroom monster.”

“You WHAT?! Don’t feed me weird stuff, Alice!” Hatta’s cry echoed across the grass field.

❤❤❤

SEB’S exquisite cooking graced the freshly set-up folding table. They dug in and then transitioned straight into tea time.

“Any info on this supposed monster lair, Seb? I know you were listening in on our conversation.”

“I believe a Dodo nests there, not that I’ve seen it myself.”

The teacup stopped just before her lips upon the mere mention of one of the most dreaded monsters around.

“By ‘Dodo,’ you mean the one that’s the Demon Lord’s direct servant, known for being ripped, insufferable, and considerably powerful? We’re supposed to throw down with that thing?” Hatta interjected.

“Not necessarily. We could fight, or we could try beating it in a race.”

“A race?”

“A Dodo can supposedly run a hundred meters in a whopping five seconds. Whether this is true or not remains to be seen, but it likes to flaunt the fact and, as such, will challenge anyone it meets to a friendly race, apparently,” Seb explained.

Alice suddenly grinned. “Sounds amusing. I didn’t know such a monster lived in my country. Looks like all that time spent running away from the slightest hint of danger wasn’t for nothing! It’s time to put those speedy feet to the test…Hatta!”

“Why me?! You’re just as fast.”

“I’m in a dress, Hatta. Or maybe you’d like me to take it off? You perv…”

“You’re the perv here! Actually, what about you, Seb? You look fast.”

“I don’t want that insufferable creature anywhere near me.”

“Sorry?”

“I said I must prepare for my bout with the Demon Lord.”

For a moment, Hatta felt like calling Seb’s bluff, but his survival instincts begged to differ.

“Use your head. You’ve got your trusty items to fall back on, Hatta.”

“G-Good point. I won’t lose any battle if I use those.”

“You’ve got this in the bag.”

“It’s just an overblown rumor anyway. A hundred meters in five seconds? Preposterous. You can do it, Hatta.”

The two sang Hatta’s praises, loathing the very idea of facing off against the insufferable beast themselves.

“Yeah, you’re right! Me and my rare super-speed shoes are gonna show that birdbrain who’s boss. Let’s get going.”

And so, they set out with a single goal in mind—recruit Haigha. Nothing was going to stop them, especially not some insufferable beast.

However, the onslaught of monsters only intensified the further they got.

“Is it just me, or is their number growing?” Faint traces of fatigue began showing in Hatta’s face as he bombarded the small-fry monsters with mini explosives, thinning them out in an instant.

“We must be close,” Seb said, mopping up the stragglers with remarkable ease.

“I get why no one goes through here. We need to move, fast.”

It appeared that even the weakest of enemies could pose a formidable challenge in large numbers. They just kept coming and coming without an end in sight, walling off the coach. The alternate path turned out to be even more arduous than expected.

Alice, meanwhile, was catching some Z’s, to absolutely no one’s surprise.

“Tch. Guess I’m forced to use it. What a waste…” Hatta pulled out a purple ward and stuck it to the coach. “It’s no Boundary Stone, but it’ll keep the weaker monsters at bay for at least thirty minutes. Let’s blow this joint.”

Seb took the reins, propelling the coach forward. The ward lasted just long enough for them to reach a most beautiful grass field.

“We got away, no thanks to a certain somebody.” Hatta looked at Alice and heaved a heavy sigh. “How can you still be sleeping? I’m sorry, but you’re just asking for it.”

He took out a pen and drew a mustache on her face. “Oh, right. Seb, can you really take on the Demon Lord in a one-on-one scenario? I mean, he has ‘Demon’ and ‘Lord’ in his name…”

“I got a chance to observe him at the castle. His magical aura was certainly nothing to sneeze at. But his type tends to underperform in close-quarter combat. So it shouldn’t be much of an issue.”

“Gotcha. Must be rough being Alice’s personal chew toy.”

“It’s nothing if not an honor.”

“Now speak from the heart.”

“I want to go home and rest.”

Poor Seb. Pity, this time for Seb, washed over Hatta a second time.

“If it goes south, I’m taking Jean as a human shield and getting the hell outta there, haha,” Hatta joked.

“Likewise.”

“…Seb?”

“Yes, Master Hatta?”

“…Forget it.”

The only person he wouldn’t use as a human shield is Alice, Hatta thought as he averted his gaze.

“Where’s that ominous presence coming from?”

“G-Gah! Y-You’re up, Alice?”

“It woke me up. Can’t you feel it? It’s hot.”

They disembarked the coach and surveyed the surrounding area to no avail.

Right when Alice figured it was just her imagination, a flock of winged beasts struck from above. They managed to dodge in the nick of time.

“What are those things?!”

“The Dodo’s minions, most likely. Ready, Master Hatta?”

“Ready. Let’s show ’em what we’re made of.”

Seb felled the winged beasts one by one, all while dodging their attacks. Hatta downed them one after another thanks to his trusty boomerang-dagger combo.

“I see you haven’t lost your edge,” Alice commented.

“You think? My whole shtick is being able to effectively utilize any weapon and any item there is. How else would I run an item shop? Though I will admit magic items aren’t my forte—and why are you just sitting around drinking tea?!”

“Seb seemed busy, so I made it myself.”

“That’s not what I meant! Why can’t you just— Whoa?!”

The ground shook under a tremendous weight. Something had fallen from the sky right into the middle of the flock, kicking up a cloud of dust in its wake.

“Who dares stir trouble in my territory?”

The flock parted, revealing an insufferable, winged beast wearing a tank top.

“What unusual guests. The name’s Dodo, I serve the Demon Lord of the North. I also happen to run this joint. Now your turn,” he said as he approached.

“Alice, Seb, and that back there’s Hatta,” Alice replied, seemingly unfazed by the Dodo’s overbearing presence.

“Aliseb, Hatta… Sick names. What about you, girly?”

Aliseb? Was that supposed to be a failed attempt at humor, or is he really all brawn and no brain?

“You won’t tell me? Fine, be like that. What brings you here?”

“We seek your permission to cross into the Mysterious Forest.”

“No can do. One, I don’t even want to know what the Demon Lord’s going to do to me if I just let you through all willy-nilly. Two, I don’t take requests from humans. Pack your bags and leave. Or…if you’re feeling lucky, beat me in a friendly contest, and I’ll let you through.”

“Friendly contest?”

“See that tree over there?” He pointed into the distance. “Whoever gets there first wins. Or would you rather let our fists do the talking?” The Dodo put on a gun show no one asked for, his smug little face looking even more punchable than usual.

“One moment.”

“Sure thing.”

They huddled around Alice and began hatching a plan.

“I don’t want anything to do with brawn for brains over there. Hatta, sick ’em.”

“I’ll get his sweat all over me. Besides, if Seb can take the Demon Lord, he can take this guy easy.”

“I’m not touching that thing. Being near it is already pushing it.”

No one wanted a fight, not because it was unwinnable but because the Dodo was just that annoying.

“Hundred-meter dash it is then. Seb, what are our chances?”

“Low. Judging by his magic aura and confident demeanor, I think it’s pretty fair to say the rumors were true.”

“What about Hatta’s shoes?”

They redirected their gazes to Hatta’s super-speed shoes, which looked like an ordinary pair of shoes with wings slapped on the sides.

“How do they work?”

“Put simply, they make you twice as fast at the flick of a switch. You’ll tire out quick, but that doesn’t really matter for short distances.”

“And your top time?”

“A whopping twelve seconds.”

“Even with the shoes, we have no shot at winning,” Seb concluded.

Assuming the rumors were true, one’s top-time had to be under ten seconds to even stand a chance at winning.

“Find a way to win, Seb. I don’t care how, just find one.” Alice came out with a seemingly impossible demand.

“Ask and you shall receive.” Seb bowed, entirely unconcerned, and went over to the Dodo to begin negotiations.

“Done yet? I can race all three of you at once. If at least one of you beats me, I’ll let you pass.”

“I appreciate the kind gesture, sir. May I also signal the start of the race, if it pleases you?”

“Go ahead.”

“One moment, please.” Seb set Hatta at the starting line, positioned Alice behind him, and gave her a hand mirror. “We’re ready.”

“Start it whenever.”

And so, Seb’s insidious plan was set in motion.

“Switch them on.”

“Done.”

“And you, Princess Alice, please look at yourself in the mirror.”

“Why? Is there something on my—” Alice noticed the drawn-on mustache. A black aura consumed her as she crushed the mirror into pieces, shaking uncontrollably.

“Hmm?” Hatta turned around.

"Die… Die… Die… Die… Die… Die."

“N-Now hold on a se—”

“Start!”

The Dodo sprinted off, with Hatta following shortly after.

“GET AWAY FROM MEEEEE!”

Just like that, he overtook the Dodo with Alice in hot pursuit.

“Kill… Kill… Kill… Kill… Kill… Kill…”

“HEEEEELP!” Despite his record-smashing speed paired with the super-speed shoes, Hatta could not, for the life of him, shake her off. Alice and her high heels had ascended into godhood!

The two blew right past the tree, disappearing into the horizon.

“A-Are you guys human? Mustache girl just flew past with the visage of a bona fide demon,” the Dodo mumbled in awe.

“I ask that myself sometimes.” Seb gave him a soft look.

You’re the least human of the bunch. The Dodo quivered in fear.

❤❤❤

ALICE returned thirty minutes later, dragging Hatta’s borderline lifeless body behind her.

“Forgive me… Forgive me…” he kept repeating. He was, of course, unconscious.

Alice tossed Hatta into the luggage trunk. She then wiped off the mustache and fixed herself up.

“Permission to pass?”

“Granted. Also, there’s something I should tell you. One of the Demon Lord’s direct servants, Cheshire, assumes the appearance of a cute young boy. If you happen to meet him, turn around and run. Run till the cows come home! Cheshire can manipulate dimensions at will, and once he pulls you in, he never lets go.”

“Sounds fun. But I’m afraid I must bid you adieu now.”

And so, they were back on the road. The Dodo’s minions went quiet, allowing them to progress peacefully. For now, at least.

Alice indulged in some black tea in celebration of their most recent victory and everything going according to plan—minus Hatta’s life-threatening injuries, of course.

❤❤❤

MEANWHILE…

“Put me down, please. I won’t run away again, I promise,” Jean pleaded from the Demon Lord’s arms.

“My cute little princess is blushing again. How precious.”

“I’m not a princess!”

“Rest assured, so long as I walk this earth, no human will lay so much as a finger on you.”

“Eh?” Jean’s heart skipped a beat, followed by immediate self-hatred.

Eventually, the Demon Lord lowered him down. On a coach, surrounded by minions, sitting next to the Demon Lord himself. Escape was not an option.

Unable to do anything, Jean looked up at the Demon Lord.

Is the wind too strong? His beautiful, straight gray hair is a mess. What a waste.

“Hold still.”

“Why are you touching my hair? Stop it.”

“I’m fixing it for you. Relax.”

Jean’s face got awfully close to his, causing the Demon Lord’s heart rate to spike.

Why is my heart trying to escape from my chest?! I’m a Demon Lord. I won’t fall for some human. I only kidnapped her to secure offspring. That’s all there is to it.

“Much better. Take better care of yourself; it matters.”

“Am I less of an embarrassment to you now?”

“Eh?” The surprised look on Jean’s adorable, innocent face cut deeper than any sword.

The Demon Lord averted his gaze, desperately trying to collect himself, unaware that what he was feeling was none other than love.

Chapter 2: A New Companion and the Dimension Beast

ALICE and the gang journeyed into the Mysterious Forest on a quest to recruit Haigha.

“We’re close, really close,” Hatta said, having healed his injuries with an item.

“Wonderful! Now let’s just hope we don’t miss each other because we took a different route,” Alice responded.

“Her stamina is beyond abysmal, remember? There’s a good chance we’ll beat her to the punch.”

“Good point.”

They managed to arrive at the forest entrance without a hitch.

“Footprints.” Seb noticed the second they disembarked the coach.

“Haigha’s footprints, judging by the size. Not that they’d belong to anyone else, since she’s pretty much the only one who ever comes here.”

“There’s only one set of them, and they lead into the forest. She must still be around here somewhere.”

“Let’s get cracking then.”

They followed her footprints when suddenly—they heard laughter. Alice looked around the area and came across…came across…

“Found her, Alice?”

“Don’t look. For your own good!”

Oblivious of what would come next, they followed her gaze, only to freeze up the second they saw…that.

“What’s that, Mr. Squirrel? Life’s going well? That’s nice. Me? Well, it could be going better, but it’s fine. The birdies and their beautiful singing help me forget. You can hear them right now if you listen closely. Oh, and there’s also Mr. Raccoon. He was so worried he came running to me, cute thing. I can return the favor too, you know, with my love magic!”

A lovely little bobbed-hair girl sporting a plain dress and robe sat there talking to animals.

Is it a forest spirit? Or maybe a monster trying to pass off as human? Appearance-wise, she bore a strong resemblance to Haigha, but they weren’t entirely convinced.

“Mr. Squirrel, wait for—ooph!” She ran right into the trio.

“Hey… Haigha.”

“Hatta?! Alice and Seb too?!”

“It’s okay, Haigha. I’ve already erased all my memories of you talking with squirrels, was it?” Alice reassured.

“I didn’t hear nothing about no ‘birdies’ or their ‘beautiful singing,’ no siree,” Hatta threw in.

“While I would’ve simply loved to see what this ‘love magic’ is all about, I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that bit,” Seb added for good measure.

“I…I…” Haigha took flight, red as a beet. However, her abysmal stamina allowed Alice to catch up almost immediately.

“Easy there.”

“Let go! Let go of me!”

“What’s gotten into you?”

Have some empathy, will ya, Alice?

A chill ran down Hatta’s spine from secondhand embarrassment.

“Please put me down…I’ll be good,” Haigha pleaded, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’ll just assume you’ve already collected the Holy Water. We’ll talk more at the coach.”

They returned to the coach, making sure to box Haigha in so she couldn’t escape along the way.

She just wouldn’t stop crying, which made Alice—yes,the Alice—feel a little uncomfortable, so she ordered Seb to make tea.

“Your tea is delicious, Seb.”

The tea made Haigha feel much better.

“I made sure it was to your liking.”

“It means a lot. Anyway, what’re you all doing here?”

“Did you know that the Demon Lord tried kidnapping me?”

Alice wanted to investigate the amusing previous matter further but chose not to, for fear of the waterworks going off a second time.

“I’ve heard rumors. But it seems they were just that—rumors. You’re right here, after all.”

“Not exactly. He did succeed…in mistakenly kidnapping Jean.”

“He what?! We have to go save Jean.”

“Who cares about Jean?! The fact that he didn’t kidnap me is the real issue.”

Poor Jean. Pity for the prince washed over Haigha.

“What’s the plan?”

“We tear the Demon Lord a new one. Seb here can beat him in a one-on-one.”

“Doesn’t the Demon Lord have bodyguards?”

“I’ve already thought of everything. First, we sneak into his castle and plant bombs in various locations. Then we make them go off all at once. His minions will go investigate, allowing us to break through with ease. Once Seb gets in close, you set off the Boundary Stone, trapping the Demon Lord inside.”

“I see— Why me?!” Haigha’s voice cracked from the sudden realization.

“You’re the only one that can do it.”

“What about Hatta?!”

“The Boundary Stone can only be activated by healing magic. Seb only knows offensive magic; Alice and I can’t use magic at all. That only leaves you.”

“Yes, but…if I set it off, I’ll get trapped inside with them.”

“Crawl into a corner and curl up in a ball. If anything bad happens, Seb’s got you. Don’t you, Seb?”

Seb quietly sipped on his tea.

“I’m not so sure about that, Hatta.”

“You’ll be fine. Here, have this.”

“A ward? It won’t do anything against the Demon—” Haigha noticed the inscription which read: Good Fortune. “How is this going to help me?!”

“Hatta accepted the offer. There’s no turning back now, Haigha,” Alice said with a cold smile.

Out of everyone, it was undoubtedly Haigha that got the short end of the stick. Seb was just doing his job, and Hatta was in it for the money, while she had no reason whatsoever to go along with any of it besides not making matters worse for herself.

“If it helps, the Demon Lord didn’t seem like the type to hit a defenseless girl,” Alice said in the least reassuring manner possible. “Now, onto more pressing matters. Seb, how long is it going to take us to get to the Demon Lord’s castle?”

“It will take us a few days if we head up north through Underland, assuming nothing gets in our way. But I highly doubt it’ll be that simple.”

“I see. Hatta.”

“Yeah?”

“Pull out your flying contraption.”

“What flying contraption?! If I had one, we wouldn’t be sitting here.”

“Unbelievable. Haigha.”

“Yes?”

“Make this coach invisible.”

“No can do.”

“Keep this up, and we’re going to need to have a serious discussion regarding your pay.”

Is she seriously considering docking our pay? Or is she just bluffing to keep us on our toes? Hatta and Haigha went silent, pretending not to hear that last part.

“Oh yeah, I should mention that Holy Water can’t be used immediately,” Haigha warned.

“Completely slipped my mind.” Hatta shrugged.

“Elaborate, Hatta.”

“Haigha has to imbue it with magic and wait about a month. Only then does it count as Holy Water. Otherwise, it’s just regular old water.”

“Can’t wait that long. Any alternatives?”

“Well.” Hatta grimaced. “The White Rabbit lives in a hut east of here. He’s got a pocket watch that can manipulate the flow of time. He…can get on my nerves sometimes, so I’d rather look for other alternatives.”

“Roasted rabbit for dinner it is then.”

“Are you trying to get under my skin?!”

“Rabbit stew’s fine too, jeez.”

“That’s not the issue!”

“There, there, Hatta. Alice is just fooling around. She doesn’t actually want to serve him for dinner. The White Rabbit is a good friend of mine; I’m sure he’ll hear us out. Let’s try and see what happens, okay?”

With the conflict settled, they set off in search of the White Rabbit, a pan and a pot mysteriously appearing right next to Seb.

❤❤❤

“I sure hope he’ll hear us out at least. Hmm? Are those…monsters?!”

The relentless attacks resumed almost as soon as they left the Dodo’s territory, and the fact that they were a moving target didn’t help. This wasn’t that much of an issue, however, as Hatta and Seb repelled them with ease.

“Agility buff, Sis.”

“There you go.”

“An attack damage buff, if you’d be so kind, Lady Haigha.”

“No problemo.”

Haigha’s various buffs were a great asset to the party, allowing them to clear the attacking monsters with even greater ease.

“This mouth ulcer’s killing me, Haigha,” Alice complained.

“I’ll fix you up in a jiff.”

“I got bit by some bug, and it itches real bad, Haigha,” Alice griped.

“Not anymore.”

And then there was Alice, who used Haigha’s powers for other purposes.

“I’m taking a nap. Wake me when we get there.”

“Sure, but how do you expect to fall asleep under these—” Hatta turned to Alice, who was already passed out. “—circumstances.”

“Some things never change, huh, Hatta?”

“Alice lives by her own set of rules. Also, do not, under any circumstance, draw anything on her face. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“Did you—” Haigha noticed Hatta’s thousand-yard stare. “Nothing, nothing.”

“Master Hatta, I see a hut up ahead,” Seb informed the siblings.

“That’s the one. Wonder if he’s there.”

They stopped by the hut to check if he was inside.

“Empty.”

“Look over there, Master Hatta.”

There he was, out in the distance, digging a hole in the ground. He planted a seed in the hole and hit a button on the pocket watch hanging from his neck. The seed matured into a magnificent fruit tree in the blink of an eye.

“Grr! I still can’t reach it? One last jump.”

Alas, the tree branches hung just a little too high.

“Ya ain’t climbing trees anytime soon there, pal. Find something else to harvest.”

“Long time no see, Hatta.”

“Hey, White Rabbit.” Haigha popped out from behind Hatta.

“Ha-Ha-Haigha?!” The White Rabbit started fidgeting, his face turning bright red. “This must be my lucky day. You can go now, Hatta.”

“Go where? I came to ask for a favor.”

“What favor?”

“Set this Holy Water’s internal timer about thirty days forward. That’s how long it’ll take for Haigha’s magic to fully permeate.”

“That’ll be five thousand gold coins.”

“Uh-huh.” Hatta furrowed his brow. “I’ll get the fruit down for ya. Now, make it snappy.”

“I’m a busy man; pay up or scram. I’m off to see the Red Queen once I fetch myself a bite to eat.”

“The Land of Cards’ queen?”

“Long story short, I’m busy assisting her, so I don’t have time to play your silly games. Although…if Haigha were to give me a big old hug, I might reconsider. Oh, and throw in a kiss on the cheek too for good measure.” The White Rabbit ogled Haigha, a shimmer in his eyes.

“Erm, how should I put this, no.”

“Wh-Why not?!”

“You’re just…an acquaintance.” That single remark had demoted him from friend to acquaintance in a flash.

“Dammit, dammit, dammit! Whatever, I’m late for a very important date anyway—” Alice nabbed him by the ears. “Release me at once!”

“Found dinner.”

“Dinner?! Wh-Who are you?!”

“Why, only the face of Wonderland, the blindingly beautiful princess Alice herself, of course. Do you not recognize me? Oh well, I’ll allow it. You don’t get to see talking rabbits every day, after all. Are you some sort of monster? Seb, prepare the fire.”

“Right away.”

“Haigha, help!”

Normally, Seb’s phenomenal prep speed would’ve been awe-inspiring. But to the White Rabbit, it only further inspired dread.

“Alice, that’s the White Rabbit we talked about earlier. He can help us.”

“He does have a pocket watch, now that you mention it.” She tried ripping it from his neck, yet it refused to come off.

“Ow ow ow, watch it! Only I can use this ultra-rare item—it’s merged with my body!”

“So, you’re cursed?”

“No?!”

“Who cares? All you need to know is that this can go one of two ways. You either do as you’re told and get mercifully boiled into stew, or you don’t do as you’re told, and we’ll be serving slow-roasted rabbit for dinner.”

“I get eaten regardless?!”

By this point, even Hatta, who got a little heated, and Haigha, who had recently demoted him to an acquaintance, started to feel bad for the White Rabbit.

“Enough’s enough. I think he’s learned his lesson.”

“Let him do his thing, Alice. That’s why we came here.”

“…Fine, but you better make it quick.”

“Okay, okay. Now put me down already. Also, could I maybe get a bite to eat? Anything, even the fruit from the tree, will do just fine.”

“Sure. Here, try this.” Alice held out a plate. On it rested a delectable sandwich.

“Don’t mind if I…bleurgh! What’d you put in this?!”

“Mushroom monster.”

“You WHAT?! Don’t feed me weird stuff!” The White Rabbit, genuinely concerned for his own well-being, caved into her demands.

Holy Water in hand, he pushed a button on his pocket watch. The Holy water took on a faint blue-ish shade, giving it a mystical vibe.

“Happy? I really need to get going to the Land of Cards now, or else the Red Queen’ll have my head.”

“Hold it. The Land of Cards borders Wonderland, and we enjoy friendly relations. It’s ruled by two queens—the Red Queen and the White Queen. It’s a peaceful land known for its tasty sweets… What happened?”

“The Red Queen’s favorite afternoon tea snack is a tart. She munches on them every day. Recently, someone’s been stealing all her tarts. They just seemingly vanish into thin air, with no perpetrator in sight. That’s where I come in. I was asked to find the criminal using my trusty pocket watch.”

“Tarts so good they’re worth stealing? Once we beat up the Demon Lord, let’s stop by the Land of Cards, Seb. I wish to try one too.”

“As you wish.”

Beat up the demon lord? The White Rabbit shook his head. No, I don’t want anything more to do with these people,he thought as he scrambled away, blissfully unaware of their future encounter in the Land of Cards.

❤❤❤

WITH the White Rabbit gone, they resumed their journey to the Demon Lord’s castle.

“It’s getting late. I suggest stopping by a nearby town.”

They stopped by a town at the foot of a hill, per Seb’s suggestion. They parked their coach at a local inn and began wandering all around.

“I could eat a horse.”

“I’ve got just the thing for you, Hatta.”

“No thanks. I don’t want your mystery food.”

“What’s the ‘mystery’ about this? It’s just an onion.”

Alice held out what seemed like a normal onion.

“Three things. First, why? Second, where did you get that? Third, who eats a whole onion by it…self?” Upon closer inspection, the onion appeared to be moving. “I knew it!”

“Mouthwatering, isn’t it?”

“Put it back where it belongs!”

“Well, aren’t you a picky one? I’m sure Haigha’ll appreciate it more.”

What do I do now? The onion looked up at Haigha with puppy-dog eyes.

“Run, little buddy, run!” Haigha, spotting an opportune moment, set it free.

❤❤❤

“IT’S been too long!” Hatta charged headfirst into the bar, the rest following shortly after.

Having regularly sneaked out of the castle to go on adventures with Hatta and Haigha, Alice was accustomed to bars. She went up to the bartender and put in her order like it was second nature.

“How’d you manage to slip out that easy anyways?” Hatta asked. “The entire place must’ve been in mass hysteria… You used that to your advantage, didn’t you?”

“I prepared a decoy too. But even then, I’ve got maybe seven to ten days at most before the jig is up. It used to be so much simpler back in the day, before they tightened security.”

Whose fault do you think that is? Hatta thought, the words stopping short on his tongue in fear of her wrath.

“Those were the days all right. Like that time you pushed me off a cliff, or that time you pushed me into a running river, or that time you pushed me headfirst into a wall, or that time you…you…” Hatta suddenly started feeling sick to his stomach.

“I know your plans for the Demon Lord, but what about Jean? You do plan on rescuing him, right?” Haigha asked to be sure.

“I’m a little conflicted. On the one hand, if he gets turned into a girl and marries the Demon Lord, I get the throne and a foothold in the demonic legion. On the other, it’d be an admission of defeat, and I can’t have that, now can I?”

I wish I hadn’t asked. Haigha dug in, falling silent.

“I’ll sleep on it. For now, let’s just focus on the task at hand—treating the Demon Lord to a knuckle sandwich, courtesy of yours truly. I’m counting on you, Seb.”

“I want out.”

“Once more, if you could.”

“You can count on me, my lady.”

Will they ever stop? Hatta and Haigha thought.

❤❤❤

AFTER spending a restful night at the inn, they set off for the Demon Lord’s castle. They were constantly on edge, ready to spring into action at the drop of a hat. Yet there was little of it to be seen.

“Not a lot of action, huh, Hatta?”

“I don’t like it. It’s quiet…a little too quiet.”

“I caught this little guy, though.” Alice held out the onion monster from the day before.

“Again, really?”

“It was hiding in the coach. You can have it, Haigha.”

“I think…” Haigha took a good look at it. “I think it’s scared, Hatta.”

“Scared? It’s just shaking.”

“That’s its magic waves oscillating. Alice, were there any others?”

“Only him.”

Seb suddenly stopped. “It appears we’ve been going in circles, my lady.”

“No…” Haigha burst out of the coach, onion monster in hand. “No…”

“Something wrong?”

“This isn’t right. I can’t hear the birds or the bugs, anything. It’s not just quiet; there’s no sound. This little guy only came with us because he couldn’t find his way back home.”

“So, we’re the only ones here?” Alice examined the inconspicuous grass field, and, just as Hatta said, it was completely devoid of sound.

“Look over there.” Seb pointed at a pretty young boy, clad in shorts and a cat hoodie, dancing.

“Isn’t that Cheshire, Seb? The boy Dodo mentioned?” Alice asked.

“In all likelihood.”

“You’re gonna have to clue me in here,” Hatta interrupted.

“Right, you were passed out. He basically said something to the effect of ‘Don’t go near that dimension manipulating freak; once he pulls you in, he never lets go.’” The boy kept on dancing, ominously. “Looks awfully young. It’s your time to shine, Haigha.”

“W-Why me?!” Haigha blurted out, choking on her own spit.

“Kids should play with kids.”

“We’re the same age!”

“I’m clearly the grown-up here.” Alice puffed out her meager chest.

“I—” Haigha took in her washboard-flat chest, at a total loss for words. “I don’t know anything about dimension manipulation.” She sighed.

“Do you, Seb?”

“Not a thing. Catching Cheshire and asking him ourselves seems like the best course of action. Would you happen to have the right tool for the job, Hatta?”

“I’ve got a net and some rope and— Speak of the devil.”

“I’m Cheshire, and who might you be?” The boy examined their faces and put on an innocent smile.

“Alice. We’d like to pass through here.”

“Knew it. I’ve heard many great things about you, Alice. Like how you beat the Dodo at his own game and how you—” Cheshire faded into thin air, appearing right in front of her. “Boo!” Alice didn’t so much as flinch. “Hahaha, I like you. Wanna play?”

“We don’t have time to be playing games.”

“Oh, come onnn! Don’t be like that. Remember, you’re in my dimension now. If you wanna escape, you’ll have to ca—” Alice reached out to grab him, only for him to vanish. “Whoa! That almost scared me. You have some amazing reflexes.”

“Tsk.” Alice clicked her tongue, annoyed by his lighthearted demeanor.

“There’s no time limit. You either catch me, or you don’t. Your call.”

“If we don’t, we’ll be stuck in here forever. We’ll handle this,” Hatta said.

Haigha and Hatta frantically chased him around using everything they had. Despite this, they were unable to so much as graze, let alone catch Cheshire. He’d disappear right as they were about to catch him and teleport to a different location every time.

“What’s the matter? Calling it quits already?”

“Seb,” Alice called him over, having rationally analyzed their situation. “We’re going to tire out at this rate. Think of something! Anything!”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Your wish,” Seb bowed, “is my command.” He started setting up a folding table and some chairs seemingly out of nowhere. Suddenly, it was tea time. “Care to join us, Cheshire? There’s cookies.”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Cheshire pulled up a chair and began wolfing down cookies.

“Got ya now!” Hatta got the drop on Cheshire, or so he thought.

“Don’t bother,” he said, disappearing and reappearing. “So long as you think before you act, you’ll never lay a finger on me.”

Alice and Seb enjoyed their tea, paying no mind to Cheshire’s boasting. Hatta and Haigha just looked on in awe at what was happening.

“May I ask you a question?” Once everyone’s minds were at ease, Seb initiated his master plan.

“Shoot.”

“What’s your type of girl?”

“The cute, reserved type. I really like those.”

“Go on.”

While Cheshire was busy yammering on and on, Seb called Hatta and Haigha over and whispered something to them.

“Gotcha.” Hatta pulled up a chair in front of Seb and started drinking tea.

“Understood.” Haigha sat down right next to Cheshire and also started drinking tea.

Was Seb trying to lull Cheshire into a false sense of security? No one knew.

“How about the girl sitting right next to you? Is she your type?”

Haigha gazed at him with a big old smile on her face.

“She’s cute. Definitely my type.”

Haigha’s cheeks took on a slight tinge of pink. She appeared to be quite fond of the compliment.

Seb then gestured to Hatta.

“I almost forgot. You know how the Demon Lord kidnapped the princess?”

“Didn’t get to see it for myself, but I’m his direct servant, so of course, I do. All those rumors about how cute this princess was had him completely hooked.”

Alice’s cup froze, the corners of her lips rising, the tension in her face relaxing.

“Yeah, about that. He mistakenly kidnapped her brother instead.”

“Her brother? There’s no way he couldn’t tell them apart.”

“I mean, she’s right here if you need proof.”

“You mean her?” Cheshire asked, gazing at Haigha’s beautiful smile. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

“No, no. Her.” Hatta pointed at Alice, her cup shaking.

“She’s cute too. But the death stare is a little off-putting, not to mention the…killing aura? Oh sorry…are you a dude?”

The cup shattered in her hand. Alice approached Cheshire, a black aura enveloping her. Hatta and Haigha ducked out immediately.

“Even if you’re a dude, don’t think you can catch me that ea—” Alice picked up a knife and jabbed it into him without any windup time. “Whoa?!” Cheshire managed to teleport behind her in the nick of time. Alice slowly rotated her neck back a hundred and eighty degrees. “Eek?! Y-You’re the princess?!”

“Indeed, I am… Now, let me stab you!”

“You meant ‘catch,’ right? Right?!” Cheshire vanished, utterly horrified.

“Got you now!” Alice caught him by the throat the second he reappeared.

“W-What kind of beast are you?!”

“Silence, dinner. I’m trying to think of all the different ways I can cook you.”

I need to get outta here, fast. Cheshire shook off her grip, vanishing far, far away.

“Fancy meeting you here.”

“AAAHHH!”

Every time he reappeared, Alice was there, standing right in front of him in typical horror fashion.

“I give, I give! Help, please!”

“I thought I just heard something. Must be my imagination.” Seb paid no mind.

Hatta and Haigha stared at Seb all teary-eyed, their voices whisked away by sheer horror, urging him to do something. The two felt a sharp pang of guilt for blindly going along with his idea, seeing what Alice had become.

“Fine, if you insist.” Seb went up and embraced Alice. “Cheshire said you’re cute, my lady. He spoke highly of your defiant stare, your dignified aura. It was the Demon Lord that spoke horrible, horrible things about you. You’re the most beautiful there is.”

“You could’ve told me earlier.” Alice regained her cool, the black aura fading.

“Mind sending us back home?” Her pretty smile rivaled that of Jean’s, but all Cheshire felt was a mixture of dread, horror, and fear.

“Yes, miss!” Cheshire lifted his dimension, returning them back to their world. The other three just stood there, unable to move.

“Quit loafing around, you two! Let’s get a move on. Oh, and Cheshire, mind telling us the fastest path to the Demon Lord’s castle?”

“The Demon Lord’s castle? Okay, okay. Stop glaring. You’ll want to pass through the Ridge of Illusions. The name just speaks for itself, really. For that, you’ll need the Poem of Jabberwocky—a spellbook presently in the hands of the Red Queen. This should shave two days off your journey.”

“Thanks. Seb, to the Land of Cards.”

“Understood.” Seb changed course northwest to the Land of Cards.

Can’t you take on the Demon Lord yourself? The words stopped at Hatta’s and Haigha’s mouth, never to be uttered.

❤❤❤

MEANWHILE, Alice’s kidnapped older brother had reached the Demon Lord’s castle after taking the shortest path there.

“Wow! I thought your place would be more angsty. Well, the outside is a little like that, but the inside is amazing!” Jean’s eyes lit up at the sight of the surprisingly gorgeous interior.

“I’m glad to see it tickled your fancy, my princess.”

“How many times must I tell you? I’m not the princess!”

The Demon Lord picked up a glistening bird statuette and handed it to Jean, their fingertips lightly brushing together.

“It’s modeled after a monster of legendary status, famous for making the lives of a certain group of heroes a living nightmare. It’s worth every bit of its weight in gold.”

“So cool!”

“You can have it, if you’d like.”

“Really?! You shouldn’t have.” Jean burst into a smile, melting the Demon Lord’s heart.

“Thank you so much. I promise to take good care of it.”

“I promise to take good care of you too.”

“Eh?” Jean hung his head in embarrassment, his cheeks turning red.

Between the Demon Lord’s sickly sweet remarks and Jean acting less and less like a guy, it was clear that the two’s relationship deepened, slowly but surely.

“Let me give you a quick tour of the place.”

Jean followed the Demon Lord through a hall decorated with all sorts of famous paintings.

“Even I know all these. Are those originals?”

“Only the splendor of the real thing can truly capture my essence.”

“Can we stay just a little longer, please?”

“Do as you please.”

Jean stood absently by the wall, utterly entranced by the breathtaking art, when suddenly, an old light came crashing down on him.

“Eek!”

“Watch out!”

The Demon Lord flew in and knocked it aside as it was about to crush Jean. He put his arm out to regain balance, pinning Jean against the wall in a miraculous turn of events.

“Are you hurt?” he asked with genuine concern in his voice.

“I, erm, I’m fine…I’m fine.” Jean couldn’t bear to look him in the face, his heart racing.

Why does this keep happening?! You’re a guy, Jean. Remember that. Jean agonized over the Demon Lord’s masculine charm.

Chapter 3: To the Land of Cards

“THE monsters around here are a complete joke. Didn’t even break a sweat!” Hatta said, single-handedly fending off some monsters.

“Do you have someone you like, Alice?”

Haigha and Alice, meanwhile, were having some typical girl talk.

“Not at the moment, though I doubt I’ll ever find anyone even remotely close to my level. What about you?”

“I love everyone equally.”

“Come to think of it, you did mention something about making lots of love with animals.”

“I did not! I said I’d make them happier with my love magic!”

“Huh, my mistake.”

On second thought, maybe it wasn’t exactly that typical.

“What about the White Rabbit? Do you love him?”

“He’s…just an acquaintance.”

So much for everyone. Alice felt a sliver of pity for the rabbit.

Once the monster attacks ceased, they got to enjoy a brief moment of rest and relaxation.

“A certain someone is blocking our path, my lady…” Seb suddenly stopped their coach.

“A certain someone? Oh, you mean the Red Knight. The one that really knows how to get under your skin.”

Alice got out of the coach and approached the Red Knight, otherwise known simply as Red. Hatta and Haigha followed closely behind out of curiosity.

“Why, if it isn’t Princess Alice. Beautiful as always.”

“I’m glad to see you’re doing well too, Red.”

“Seb’s not coming down to greet me, I see. How cold, old chum of mine! Oh! My apologies. Was he perhaps bedazzled by my unspeakable beauty? Hahaha! Can’t say I blame him; I would be too, after all this time.”

“He just can’t stand that part of your personality, supposedly.”

Red had, to put it lightly, an intense personality.

“And who might those two in the back be?”

“My fellow companions Hatta and Haigha. They run an item shop in the city.”

“I’m Hatta. It’s a pleasure.”

“And I’m Haigha. Pleased to meet you.”

“I’m the Red Knight, but feel free to call me Red. I serve the Red Queen. But enough about her; let’s talk more about me! Don’t even try hiding it; I can tell you two are just itching to hear all about my gorgeous looks. It all started one full moon night when I, the son of God, was born.” Red entered storytime mode, tossing his hair back.

No wonder Seb can’t stand this guy, Alice thought.

“Red has no friends,” she said out loud.

Never would’ve guessed, Hatta thought.

“And so, this cute little angel… Hmm? Did someone just say they wanted to be friends? Or was it just me?”

“Just you. I said you have no friends,” Alice said drily.

“Why, I never! Of course, I have friends. Everyone does! Alice, allow me to introduce you to my good friend, Dan.” Red held out a roly-poly. Hatta and Haigha’s fight-or-flight instinct kicked in, prompting them to step back.

“You and Haigha might have something in common.”

“Do not go there!” The comparison peeved Haigha so much, she stepped forward again.

“Haigha, was it? I think we can be friends, if your little onion monster is anything to go off of.” Red locked on to Haigha immediately, entering her into his potential friend list. With the onion monster chilling by her side, Haigha’s excuses were doomed to fall flat.

“What are you doing here anyway, Red?” Alice asked.

“I’m here on the Red Queen’s orders. She’s collecting rare sweet ingredients, one of which, the mind-blowingly sweet purple yams, can be found at the flower field up ahead. And where might you be heading, princess?”

“To see the Red Queen. There’s something I need to borrow.”

“You want to see the Red Queen? I’m afraid you’ve come at a bad time. The town’s in total lockdown due to the ongoing search for the tart thief. To get through, you’ll need to pass a whole series of checks which, at worst, can take anywhere from one to two days.”

The tart thief incident appeared to have ballooned into something much more serious than the party had initially expected.

“We’re in a hurry. Can you get us through somehow?” Alice asked.

“I can write you an invitation letter, for a small favor, that is. I need you to take care of this pesky little monster terrorizing the flower field. It’s right up ahead; it won’t even take you that long.”

“Why don’t you handle it, Red?” Alice asked. “Not that we mind. It’s just your combat abilities are the only aspect of you the Red Queen ever speaks highly of.”

“Why do you have to put it like that? Regardless, why don’t you just go ahead and see it for yourselves? You’ll see what I mean.” Red got in the coach, and they set off for the flower field, which they got to in no time at all. “There it is. Look.”

They hopped out of the coach and got up closer to the unidentified source of movement in the center. It appeared to be a slime monster.

“Wh-What is that?!” Hatta turned pale. “Alice, we can’t get any closer.” He forcefully halted the group.

“Why’s that?”

“Once you get close, it reads your memories, and then it turns into the thing you fear most. Everyone’s had at least one or two traumatic experiences in their life, yeah? It’ll use them against you, that insidious bastard.”

“Traumatic experiences? I’m sold.”

“Huh?! What’re you—”

Alice circled around Hatta and gave him a good shove, sending him flying in front of the slime monster.

“N-No. No. Noooo!!!”

The slime shapeshifted into Alice from the Dodo race, the one enveloped by an ominous black aura. This was, apparently, Hatta’s number one traumatic experience.

“Who’s that pretty young lady, Red?” asked Alice.

“Why, that’s you, Princess Alice.”

“Who’s that young lady with the refined air around her, Seb?” asked Alice.

“Why, it’s you, of course. Although the real Lady Alice shines all the more brightly.”

Seb and Red were suddenly in perfect sync thanks to Alice, not that it really mattered.

“Hatta?!”

Haigha rushed over to her unconscious brother, leading the slime monster to shapeshift into Alice from the Cheshire hunt. Nothing really changed besides the inexplicable knife in her hand and the ominous smile.

“Who’s that beautiful young lady, Red?” asked Alice.

“A blind man could see that it’s you, Princess Alice.”

“Who’s that sweet, elegant young lady, Seb?” asked Alice.

“Why, it’s you, of course. Although she’ll never truly match the original.”

The three were entirely unfazed.

This time, a concerned onion monster approached Haigha’s unconscious body, leading the slime monster to shapeshift into Alice hungrily drooling from her mouth. The onion monster began shivering in fear.

No matter who dared approach, the slime monster would only take on various forms of Alice.

Is Alice synonymous with trauma? The words never left Red’s mouth.

The slime monster, returning to its original form, started lightly tapping Hatta and Haigha’s unconscious bodies.

“What’s it doing, Red?”

“First, it makes you pass out, then it starts attacking. The attacks themselves are so weak, they don’t deal any actual physical damage, but the lingering psychological damage more than makes up for it. In my case, it was the Red Queen when she gets absolutely livid.”

“My condolences. Anyway, play time’s over; let’s go take care of it. Red, you stay put.”

Alice and Seb approached the slime monster. Yet it, for some inexplicable reason, didn’t shapeshift into anything. Seb first froze it with ice magic. Then Alice just picked it up and tossed it beyond the horizon. The seemingly unbeatable monster had been handled with ease.

“Do they…not have any traumatic experiences?”

The disturbing realization hit. It was rather surreal how Red, a known whack job, seemed relatively normal compared to Alice and Seb.

“Wakey wakey, sleepyheads.”

“Huh? What—what happened to the slime monster?”

“Don’t worry; we took care of it. Now get up; there’s still work ahead of us.”

They collected a bunch of tasty-looking purple yams.

“I say, we deserve a little reward after all that hard work. Seb, you know what to do.”

They moved away from the flower field and watched Seb roast up some yams. The smell was so good, Hatta and Haigha managed to recover from the psychological damage they’d suffered earlier.

“Bon appétit!” Seb said.

They dug in, a smile spreading across everyone’s faces the moment the piping-hot-roasted yams reached their tongues, except for Seb.

“As deadpan as always, I see,” smirked Red. “Could you maybe, I don’t know, try smiling a little like the rest of us?”

“Be careful what you wish for,” Seb said, smiling fearlessly.

“Not quite what I had in mind.”

“Don’t forget to write up that invitation letter you promised.”

“Completely slipped my mind. Pen and paper, if you could.” Red began working on the invitation letter with Alice observing him from the side.

Seb put out the fire. Hatta laid down, massaging his stomach. And Haigha, bored out of her mind, was playing with the onion monster.

“Alice, can I go play in the field?”

“Go ahead. We’ll pick you up after we’re done resting.”

“Thanks!” Haigha ran off into the flower field.

❤❤❤

“IT’S so beautiful! And is that… a bunny!” Haigha’s excitement blew through the roof. “Alice won’t be here for a while. I’m safe!” Haigha bunny-hopped after it, making bunny ears with her hands. “Bouncy bounce! Wait up, Mr. Rabbit, let’s play together! Oh, I didn’t see you there, Mr. Fox. You want to play too? What’s that? You’d like to introduce me to a friend? I can’t wait to meet—” Haigha looked up, only to see Red standing right in front of her, “…th-th-them.”

“Something wrong?”

“What’re you doing here, R-Red?!”

“I’m here to bring you back. Alice changed her mind and said, ‘We’ll be leaving immediately, so go fetch Haigha.’”

“D-Did you…see?”

“See what? Oh, you mean how you were frolicking around with the bunnies?”

He saw everything!

“Y-You didn’t see anything, okay?”

“But you were so cute. I like talking with insects; I know how you feel.”

Don’t even go there, Haigha thought as she continued to plead with him.

“Please forget everything you just saw. Please forget everything you just saw. Please forget everything you just saw. Please, please, please!”

“Hmm…well, you know what, fine. I can do that…if you become friends with me.”

Haigha was suddenly faced with the toughest choice of her life, bar none.

He seems to get on well with Alice, she thought. But, judging by their difference in rank, he probably wouldn’t go as far as to call her a friend. If I accept, I’ll likely be his very first friend and, honestly, I don’t want him parading that fact around. But I guess we won’t be seeing each other often anyways, so I might as well go along with it.

“…Deal.”

“My very first friend! Oh, what a day to be alive!”

I knew it.

“Just think of all the things we can do together. We’ll moon gaze and write poems together! We’ll chase after the sunset together. We’ll scream into the big blue sea together!”

That’s not what friends do at all…but still, no thanks! Go do that stuff by yourself!

“I must get going now. The next ingredient isn’t going to find itself after all. Send Alice my best regards. Oh, and once I’m done with my assignment, let’s go do some friend things together, friend!” Red left, all smiles.

He’s not a bad guy. I just really don’t want to see him ever again. Haigha saw him off, praying in silence that her wish would come true

❤❤❤

ALICE and the gang set course for the Land of Cards. Alice was dozing off, as always, while Haigha played with the onion monster she now lovingly called “Onion Boy.”

Can Seb really beat the Demon Lord? Hatta heaved a heavy sigh.

“How come you know where the Demon Lord’s castle is?” he asked.

“I just happened to pass by it some time ago,” Seb replied with the casualness of someone who spotted a nice inn on their way back home.

How do you just happen to pass by the Demon Lord’s castle? Haigha thought but chose not to ask.

“Haigha, do you know anything about the Poem of Jabberwocky, the one Cheshire brought up?” Hatta asked. “The name rings a bell, but I’m blanking on it.”

“The Poem of Jabberwocky is a blanket term for a series of ancient spellbooks written by a wizard of the same name.”

“Now it’s coming back to me. Those spellbooks contain a slew of forbidden spells that, by my understanding, can be learned but can only be cast under a certain condition…that I also can’t remember.”

“The spellbooks themselves act as a source of magical energy and, without them physically in your possession, their spells are rendered unusable,” Haigha explained. “The one we’re after dispels illusions, at least according to Cheshire. I’m getting a little excited just thinking about laying my hands on one!”

“You can have mine, if you’d like,” Seb, who never spoke unless spoken to, interjected.

“Wait, you have one?”

“Yes, please!”

Hatta, not being a magic user, wasn’t all that interested. But Haigha’s eyes lit up on the spot.

Seb pulled a black book out of his pocket and handed it to them.

“What kind of magic’s in here? Since it’s yours, I’m guessing offensive magic or maybe summoning magic.”

“Magic that allows the user to distinguish between a raw and boiled egg without touching them.”

Very funny, the siblings thought as they opened the book only to find out that it did, in fact, contain egg-distinguishing magic. The fact that it exuded powerful magical energy mystified them even further.

Why would I ever want to use this? Hatta thought as she closed the book, handing it back to Seb.

“What kind of a person was this Jabberwocky anyway?”

“I’d love to know myself….” Haigha’s inner thoughts leaked out for a brief moment.

“We’ve arrived. Wake up Princess Alice, if you could.”

“We’re there already? Oh! Yeah, we are.”

Just as the conversation had reached its natural end, they arrived at the Land of Cards.

“Hatta, will there be card soldiers?”

“Yeah, there will.”

“I hope they’re cute…” Haigha drifted off, fantasizing about the card soldiers.

They woke up Alice and headed to town.

“Halt! We are not allowed to let you through without a written invitation.” A group of soldiers stopped them.

“You can rest assured we mean no harm. Here’s our invitation, courtesy of the Red Knight.” Seb handed them the letter.

“The Red Knight?” They looked at the invitation. “We’re terribly sorry for the inconvenience, Princess Alice and her entourage. You may enter.” They bowed, smiling.

Thanks to a surprise run-in with Red, they were able to get into town without a hitch.

They parked their coach at a local inn and headed for the castle.

“It smells of sugary goodness.”

“Alice, how about we grab a bite to eat?” The sweet, pervading aroma had gotten the best of Haigha.

“Sounds like a plan!”

They went into a nearby tavern and ordered tarts, as per the chef’s recommendation. The freshly baked tarts came in after a short wait.

“They’re good…but not ‘worth stealing’ good,” Alice muttered.

“What did you expect? They’re not the Queen’s tarts.” The tavern owner came up to them.

“There’s a difference?”

“The Queen’s tarts are on a whole ’nother level! They’re made by top-class chefs using only the finest of ingredients. No wonder somebody stole them! Though it hurts not having access to the castle.”

“What do you mean?”

“They’ve locked down the town as well as the castle ’til they find the perpetrator. They only allow potential suspects or helpers in. It’s a darn shame, too; selling sweets to card soldiers was really good for business. Now, we’re kinda in a tough spot.”

“What about the White Queen? She never would’ve allowed this! And she’s the only person who can oppose the Red Queen.”

“The White Queen left quite a while back. Apparently, she got so sick and tired of the Red Queen doing all the actual governing that she just up and left. She pops back in every once in a while and then leaves just as quickly.”

With no one to rein in the Red Queen, the tart thief hunt had grown into something much larger than it needed to be. If they couldn’t find a way in, the Poem of Jabberwocky was as good as lost.

“What’s the plan? Want me to sneak in?” Hatta offered.

“Don’t bother,” Alice said. “It’d be a complete waste of time. We don’t have even the slightest clue where it could be stashed. Let’s just try going there first. Maybe they’ll let us through if we’re lucky. And, if not, we’re forcing our way in.”

“Let’s get going, then.”

“Wait, Hatta,” Haigha pleaded.

“Don’t tell me you’re still eating.”

“I’m not. But he is.”

The onion monster munched ever so happily on a tiny piece of tart.

“Why won’t you just set him free already?”

“I tried; he just keeps coming back.”

“You just don’t get it, Hatta! She’s clearly trying to fatten the little guy up before feasting on his flesh.” Alice sized-up the onion monster, causing it to shiver in fear.

“I’d never do such a thing!”

❤❤❤

A whole slew of beefed-up guards was manning the gate. It didn’t seem like the gang were getting through any time soon.

“Do not let anyone through. Do I make myself clear?”

“Sir! Yes, sir!”

“That’s what I like to hear. Don’t let me down, boys!”

“Sir! Yes, sir!”

They were almost as insufferable as the Dodo.

“What’s up with you, Haigha?” Hatta asked.

“You lied! Those aren’t card soldiers.”

“Yes, they are. See?” Hatta pointed at the cards casually sticking out of their chest pockets. “Cute and gentlemanly! Am I right, or am I right?”

How can you say that with a straight face? They’re neither of those things! They’re…they’re jacked! Haigha fell to her knees, crying on the inside.

“Long time, no see, General Ace of Spades.” Alice approached the guards, ignoring Haigha’s mental breakdown.

“Who do you think you—” He recognized Alice. “Well, if it isn’t Princess Alice! What brings you here?”

“I’ve come to see the Red Queen. Mind letting us through?”

“We were explicitly instructed not to let anyone through. Not even you, Princess Alice.” He bowed. “I hope you understand.”

Well, this just got a little awkward, Alice thought.

Alice was brainstorming solutions when a nearby scream cut off her thought process.

“Monsters on the loose!”

They turned around and saw an onion and a mushroom monster wreaking havoc.

“Don’t let them near the castle!” The card soldiers fearlessly rushed in, their general leading the charge.

“Alice…”

“What is it, Hatta?”

“Now’s our chance.”

“You’re right. Time to kill two birds with one stone. Seb, fire up the pan.”

“I already have,” Seb said, holding out a hot pan.

“That’s not what I meant by that at all!”

“But there’s a mushroom and an onion just waiting to be devoured,” Alice argued hungrily.

“How many times do I have to tell you? They’re monsters, not veggies, Alice! Whatever; let’s just get inside while they’re distracted.”

“Completely slipped my mind. But before we go, Haigha…”

“Yes?”

“Don’t you want to watch them beat the ever-living hell out of those monsters? You said you liked card soldiers…”

“No, thank you!”

“I could also introduce you to Dodo, this super-jacked monster, if that’s the kind of thing you’re into.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Let us hurry, my lady. Time is not on our side.” Seb took the initiative before the conversation spiraled out of control, the frying pan still resting in his left hand.

❤❤❤

ALTHOUGH they eventually managed to make it inside, the guards patrolling the place didn’t allow them to move around as freely as they would’ve liked.

“Alice, look here.” Hatta beckoned her over. “We can disguise ourselves as card soldiers.”

Alice peeked inside and saw a row of armor. Upon reflection, she remembered the card soldiers outside weren’t wearing any. They probably weren’t expecting monsters to come knocking on their doorstep.

“That’s a line I’m not crossing,” Alice said.

“Just thinking about wearing the same suit of armor as them makes me feel sick,” Haigha declared.

“I’ll have to politely decline,” Seb said.

They all shot down Hatta’s suggestion in unison.

Have it your way, then. Hatta reached for a set of armor. It was so moist with sweat, he immediately changed his mind.

“We still have to find a way through. Any ideas, Seb?” Alice asked.

“My lady, can you feel the ominous presence?”

“Now that you mention it, I think it’s coming from somewhere around,” Alice grabbed Cheshire out of the air, “here.”

“How’d you find me?! I used a dimensional veil to completely mask my presence.”

“I had a feeling.”

“What feeling?”

“It doesn’t matter right now. What does matter is what you’re doing here. Were you trying to get the drop on us?”

“I wasn’t and never will. You have my word. I heard they caught the tart thief, so I thought I’d stop by to take a look.”

“They did?”

“I had my minions investigate. This is fresh stuff.”

It genuinely felt like Cheshire was telling the truth. He just came here to see the show, thought Alice.

“The trial starts shortly. See ya around.”

“Take us with you.”

“Wanna come with? Sure thing.” Cheshire waved his hand, enveloping them in strange black smoke.

“My dimensional veil should make you virtually undetectable. The trial’s taking place in the throne room. Let’s get moving.”

With Chesire’s unexpected help, they successfully made their way into the throne room. The trial appeared to have already started as the Red Queen pressured the suspect into confessing.

“I know it was you. Confess to your crimes.”

“I wasn’t even in the Land of Cards when they were being stolen! Call Princess Alice; she’ll prove my innocence!”

Said suspect was the White Rabbit.

“Even after all that rewinding, you failed to pinpoint the perpetrator. Why? Because it’s you.”

“You have no proof!”

The absurd debate raged on.

Not only is what she’s saying completely absurd, but she also doesn’t have any proof, as the White Rabbit correctly pointed out. But if so, then who is the tart thief? Hatta thought.

“Haigha, do you see what I see?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

Hatta and Haigha appeared to have noticed something. Their gazes were fixed on a guard munching on a tart right behind the Red Queen.

“Fess up!” cried the Red Queen.

“Call Princess Alice first!”

“Do you think you can pull the wool over my eyes? I know a tart thief when I smell one; I eat at least one every day.”

“I’m not pulling anything!”

How has nobody noticed? Do they want to make him out to be a criminal?

“Lift the veil,” commanded Alice.

“As you wish,” purred Cheshire.

They appeared before the Red Queen.

“Alice? How did you—”

“Alice?! Have you come to rescue me?” The White Rabbit skipped around with joy.

“I came to see the trial firsthand. Quick question: what if the tart thief was actually one of your guards?”

“I’d lock them up in the dungeon for the rest of their natural life.”

She really hasn’t noticed.

“Well, you’re in luck. I know who did it.”

“You do?!”

“Yes! You really did come to rescue me!” The White Rabbit got so excited, he dove face-first into Alice’s chest. “Thank you, thank you, thank—” Alice grabbed him by the ears, a black aura enveloping her. “Y-Your chest is a little bigger than Hai—” She smashed him into the ground, instantly rendering him unconscious.

“Go die in a ditch,” Alice snarled, trampling all over the White Rabbit with her high heels. “He did it.” She handed him over to the Red Queen, holding him by the neck.

“Throw him in the dungeon!”

“You reap what you sow,” Hatta and Haigha whispered to each other as the guards dragged the White Rabbit away.

“Can we just leave him like this?”

“He’s got his pocket watch. I’m sure he’ll escape in no time.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“You’ve been a great help, Alice! If there’s anything I can do to return the favor, feel free to ask away.”

“Mind if I borrow the Poem of Jabberwocky?”

“The Poem of Jabberwocky? Oh…that. It should be in the storage room. Jack, escort our guests.”

“Understood.”

They followed Jack—the guard that ate the tart.

“You’re the real tart thief, aren’t you?’

“I’ve been caught red-handed. Just kidding! Truth is, there never was a tart thief. The Red Queen just generously shared one of her tarts with me.”

“Elaborate.”

“No one ever stole any tarts; that’s just something the Red Queen made up to teach the White Rabbit a lesson for all his chicanery.”

“I thought it was a little silly to have a trial over some stolen tarts, even if they were one of a kind. Now it all adds up.”

Cheshire’s presence had suddenly faded. He likely turned around and left due to the case officially being closed, Alice thought.

“And here we are.” Jack led them inside a room full of books. “Let me just find it real quick, and…there it is: the Poem of Jabberwocky. There are plenty of fakes circulating, but this one’s undoubtedly the real thing. You can just feel the magical energy.”

The magical energy was so powerful they could indeed feel it bleed through the box. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that it was, in fact, the real thing.

Alice opened up the spellbook.

“Gibberish, as expected. It’s your time to shine, Haigha.”

“It sure is.”

Please don’t be egg-distinguishing magic, please don’t be egg-distinguishing magic, prayed Haigha as she opened the spellbook.

“It dispels illusions, just like Cheshy said. There’s also magic that protects from illusions.”

“Jackpot. Ridge of Illusions, consider yourself crossed,” Hatta said.

“You’re going to be crossing the Ridge of Illusions?” Jack asked. “Well, in that case, I’ve got some pretty exciting news for you. Somewhere along the ridge, there’s this item shop called Deedledumdee. There you’ll find rare items not sold anywhere else, or so the rumor goes.”

“You had me at ‘item shop!’” Hatta exclaimed. “Alice, we have to stop by there.”

“If, and only if, we happen to find it,” replied Alice. “Thank you, Jack. We’ll be on our way now.”

Parting with the Land of Cards, Alice and the gang set off for the Ridge of Illusions, where a mysterious item shop awaited.

❤❤❤

MEANWHILE…

“Wow! Just think of all the historically significant books hidden inside these shelves.” Jean marveled at the library, whose shelves were simply bursting and stretched all around the room.

“All the knowledge you’ll ever need is within these four walls. Not me, though; I’ve already read through most of them,” the Demon Lord said a little smugly.

“You’re surprisingly well-rea—” A speck of dust flew into Jean’s eye. “Ouch!”

“What happened?”

“I got something in my eye.”

“Show me.” He lifted Jean’s chin, their eyes meeting. The Demon Lord felt like his heart was about to explode.

Do I go in for the kiss? No, that’d come off too strong. Maybe I should hand her a handkerchief like a proper gentleman would? On the one hand, he wanted nothing more than to cherish and treasure Jean.On the other hand, his carnal urges were screaming at him to go all the way.

“Here, use this,” he said, handing over a handkerchief.

“Thanks.”

In the end, the Demon Lord pushed his carnal urges down and was rewarded with Jean’s beautiful smile as a result. He promised himself to always treat Jean with the utmost respect going forward.

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s nothing. Now, what say we treat ourselves to some tea?”

The Demon Lord had one of his minions make tea as they moved into a different room.

“It’s nice.”

“Made with only the finest tea leaves. Cookie?”

“Why are you so nice to me, Demon Lord?”

“For you, I’d take on God Himself.”

Jean clutched his chest, desperately trying to stop himself from diving into the Demon Lord’s arms.

You’re a guy, remember? What’s with you? Jean felt so embarrassed, he kept his facedown, sneaking glances at the Demon Lord.

“Something wrong?” The Demon Lord’s precious smile pierced through Jean’s heart, knocking him out instantly. “Jean? Jean?!”

Chapter 4: The Two Checkpoints

THE closer to the Demon Lord’s castle they got, the higher the monster encounter rate rose, delaying their progress.

Seb whipped out his sword, slashing them into pieces.

Hatta busted out a whip, making quick work of nearby enemies.

Haigha cast healing magic.

Alice observed.

Seb unleashed fire magic upon the enemy.

Hatta rained down arrows on the enemy backline.

Haigha cast protection magic.

Alice observed some more. And some more. And a little bit mo—

“Do something, will ya?!” Hatta cried.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to pick out dinner,” Alice sniped.

“Where’d this weird infatuation with eating monsters even come from? Didn’t you get to eat the finest meals money can buy back at the castle?”

“I’m sick of that stuff! Being served virtually the same exact meals day in and day out gets awfully repetitive. I want something fresh! Something exciting! Don’t you ever dream of being the first to stumble across the best gosh-darn meal you’ve ever tasted in your entire life? Eating monsters is absurd; completely unheard of! All that unknown taste and nobody’s willing to brave it, right at our fingertips.”

Alice gave the onion monster a hungry stare, causing it to shiver. Haigha quickly hid it from her.

“Planning to fatten him up just a little more, I see.”

Asleep or not, she’s not the least bit useful. Hatta could feel his soul leaving his body as he heaved his heaviest sigh yet.

With Seb at the helm, they were able to make good progress regardless.

Next thing they knew, they had reached the Ridge of Illusions.

“The fog’s set in so thick, you can barely see what’s in front of you.”

“I can’t seem to sense any monsters around. What do you think, Haigha?”

“The fog’s being produced by some sort of monster, I think. Let me try using the spellbook first.”

Following the book’s instructions, Haigha activated the ancient magic, and tiny beads of light gently embraced them.

“Alice, look!”

“The fog lifted?”

The thick veil of fog had completely dissipated.

“‘Lifted’ is not quite the word I’d use to describe a fog that was never really there to begin with. Whether or not it’s an illusion being produced by some sort of monster, as Haigha pointed out, remains to be seen. But we should keep our guard up regardless,” Seb remarked.

They proceeded with great caution, carefully surveying their surroundings as they went. There were no monsters in sight, but the sheer number of precipices had Hatta and Haigha on edge.

“Had we gone in blind, we would’ve been careening down the edge of a cliff by now,” Hatta observed. “Ain’t that a scary thought? On the flip side, it’s a fairly relaxing ride, if you come in prepared. No monsters, nothing.”

“The Deedledeedum is right up ahead, Hatta,” Haigha said.

“You mean the item shop Jack mentioned earlier? Alice, we gotta drop by!”

“Sure, why not. We needed a break anyway.”

They pushed the antiquated door open, revealing two pudgy men engaged in a game of chess.

“Hmm? Oh, hello! And welcome to the Deedledeedum. I’m Deedledee,” said one of the men.

“And I’m Deedledum,” said the other one. “Not that our names really mean much. Have a look at our wares. Take all the time you need.”

The shelves were jam-packed with rare items.

“All of these items are rare. Heck, even the weapons are pretty rare!” Hatta’s eyes lit up. “But they’re way pricier than market value. Mind bringing the price down a notch, Deedledee?”

“No can do.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Before the fog settled, our foot traffic was amazing, and we priced our goods appropriately, but, as you can see, things have changed. We don’t get even a fraction of our previous traffic anymore, so marking up our goods way higher than they’re worth is the only way we can keep our business afloat. Besides, we need to save up some money so we can finally move out of this godforsaken place.”

“Oh, I see.” As a fellow item shop owner, Hatta understood the struggle all too well and chose not to push any further.

“If you have some good food on you and wouldn’t mind sharing, we’ll give you a slight discount,” Deedledum interjected.

“Didn’t we talk about this?”

“Just this once, please, Deedledee.”

“All right, fine. But just this once.”

“Here, have this.” Alice, set off by the words “good food,” held out a plate.

“A sandwich? Don’t mind if I—bleurgh! What’d you put in this?”

“Mushroom monster.” Deedledum rushed out of the store, clasping his hand over his mouth. “Seems like the seasoning didn’t land quite right again.”

“I suppose we could go for a simple salt and pepper combo next time. Also, slowly simmering it to really let the flavor soak in might be better than cooking it with the hottest fire,” Seb suggested.

It appeared they’d tried many different ways of preparing monster meat.

“So, how about that discount, Deedledum?”

“WHAT DISCOUNT?!”

Deedledum’s scream echoed across the entire ridge.

Hatta and Deedledee enjoyed some lighthearted banter while the rest of the group headed outside to grab dinner.

Seb’s exquisite cooking graced the freshly set-up folding table. His already amazing cooking skills appeared to be improving by the day.

“I almost puked myself to death.” Deedledum came back, pale as a ghost. “What’re you having? It looks good.”

“Want some?”

“There better not be any monster in there.” He hesitantly took a small bite. “It’s delicious. Mind if I join?” Deedledum took a seat and dug right in.

“Some monster’s behind the fake fog, correct? We could hunt it down for you, in exchange for some of your wares.”

“Incorrect. See that flower over on the cliff right there?” Deedledum pointed to a beautiful bright-red flower, gently swaying in the wind. “That’s what’s causing the fake fog.”

“A flower?”

“It’s a special kind of flower, known as Dream Drop. It yields all sorts of powders. We’ve lived here well before it ever got there, so we know this place like the back of our hands, meaning we can have the powder all to ourselves. Deedledee says he wants to move shop, but personally, I’m rather fond of our current quiet, peaceful lifestyle,” he said, taking a small jar out of his breast pocket.

“What you see inside is a powder that’ll put virtually any monster, even the stronger ones, to sleep. Just sprinkle it in the wind, and boom! Lights out, just like that. Take it, as thanks for the lovely meal; just don’t tell Deedledee. Also, it’s only good for one use, so be careful.”

Alice took the jar.

“Got my hands on a few rare goodies,” Hatta exclaimed, marching out of the store. “We’ll be back soon, Deedledee, Deedledum.”

“There’s a town by the sea up ahead. Get some rest there.”

“Will do.”

The two kind men saw the party off as they disappeared beyond the horizon. They arrived at the seaside town just before dark.

They passed out the second they got to their rooms. The journey proved to be so physically exhausting, even Seb, who never let his guard down, was sleeping like a baby.

The night passed, and they were all still asleep, except for Alice, who, having gotten plenty of quality shuteye in the coach, woke up to the morning sun shining through the window.

“Get up,” she said to Haigha, sleeping right next to her with the onion monster.

“I don’t wanna…”

“You don’t want to go for a nice morning stroll across the beach with me?”

“Did you say ‘beach?’ I changed my mind.”

They got dressed and headed for the beach.

“Think we should’ve taken the boys with us?” Alice asked, walking along the coastline, the sea breeze gently brushing against their bodies.

“I went to their room, and it looked like they were still out cold. Thought I’d let them get the sleep they deserve. Also, don’t you want to take off your heels, Alice? I imagine they’re not very comfortable to walk around in…”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Look, I didn’t even get any sand on them.”

How?! If it wasn’t weird enough that Alice could stroll around the beach in high heels without batting an eye, the fact that they somehow remained spotless certainly was.

Haigha tried asking how any of this was possible, but all she got in response was some gibberish about how any real princess could do as much, so she chose to change the subject.

“Alice, what do you think’s beyond the horizon?”

“I don’t know about no horizon. But what I do know is that there are plenty of fish in this here sea just waiting to be caught.”

“Hungry again?”

“Aren’t you?” Alice gave the onion monster—resting on Haigha’s shoulder—a hungry stare. “We haven’t had a bite to eat since last night.”

Sensing a threat to its life, the onion monster began shivering.

“No! Leave Onion Boy alone!”

“Still fattening him up, I see.”

“H-How about we go grab breakfast somewhere, okay?”

“Fine by me.”

As they turned their backs, the sea erupted in a giant column of water.

“We finally meet, Alice.”

They turned around and saw…a talking walrus.

“Why doesn’t he bark? Walruses bark, right?”

“Seals bark; walruses growl.”

“Now it all adds up.”

What adds up? Haigha thought. What is there to add up?

“That’s nice. Off we go, then?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

“H-Hold on a second!” They reluctantly stopped. “I’m Walrus, the Demon Lord of the North’s servant.”

“We noticed.”

“I mean, you look just like one.”

“I-I do?”

“Where does being a regular servant place him rank-wise? Somewhere below the middle?”

“Alice, that’s not a very nice thing to say.”

“Why I oughta—” They continued to talk amongst themselves, ignoring him completely. “That’s it, you asked for it!”

Walrus growled, bursting with anger. Multiple fish monsters jumped onto the coast and…flopped around fiercely.

“G-Guys? Guys?!”

“They can’t move on land. ’Tis a shame.”

“They breathe through their gills? Even though they’re monsters?”

Should we just turn around and leave? the girls thought. But the performance on display was so pathetic, they couldn’t move.

“Look at what you did to my boys! You’ll pay for this!” The Walrus got even angrier.

“He’s not an actual walrus, right? Just a monster that looks like one?”

“I think so.”

“So…it’s okay if we dispose of him?”

“Well, he is the one picking a fight with us, or at least trying to.”

“You two girlies dispose of me?” Walrus burst out laughing. “Without your guy pals to protect you, my sharp tusks will pierce right through y—”

Alice picked up a small stone and tossed it at Walrus, beaching him.

“N-Nice throw, but now it’s my turn,” Walrus growled again, flopping around pathetically, just like his fellow fish monster brethren.

“What now, huh?”

This time, a swarm of crab monsters appeared.

“My dream of becoming the Demon Lord’s direct servant, finally in claw’s reach. Sic ’em, boys!”

The crab monsters launched themselves towards Alice and Haigha, only to get blown away by a massive explosion.

“Homemade explosives, crafted by yours truly,” smirked Alice. “Pretty neat, huh?”

Walrus growled in excruciating pain as he got struck by a big old bolt of lightning.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, my lady.”

Seb and Hatta positioned themselves in front of Alice and Haigha.

“Perfect timing. Hatta, clear the trash; Haigha, agility buff; Seb…you know what to do.”

“Gotcha.”

“On it.”

“As you wish.”

And so, the epic battle kicked off.

Hatta bombarded the enemies with his mini-explosives.

Haigha cast agility buff.

Seb started a fire and put a pot full of water over it, bringing it to a boil.

Alice handed Seb a plate.

Hatta thrashed around with his whip, knocking the enemies back into the ocean.

Haigha cast yet another agility buff.

Seb filleted the fish monsters, setting them on a plate while the crab monsters simmered.

Alice prepared a selection of spices.

Hatta mopped up the remaining trash with his boomerang.

Haigha cast healing magic.

Seb took out the crab monsters and set them beside the fish monsters.

Alice marveled at the finished product.

“Wh-What are you doing back there?!”

“Pipe down. There’s plenty to go around for everyone. Here.” Alice tossed a piece of Seb’s latest masterpiece inside Walrus’s mouth.

“Bleurgh!” Walrus frantically rolled around, trying to get the god-awful taste out of his mouth. “Wh-What did you do to—” He passed out mid-sentence.

“Did you add poison?”

“I believe my cooking was just that putrid, my lady.”

“It’s not your cooking; it’s the ingredients you’re working with.”

The battle was over, and they stood victorious, even though Hatta and Haigha were technically the only ones who did any real fighting.

“What were those things anyways?”

“Beats me. They just came out of the blue and started attacking us.”

“That answers everything. Well, whatever, let’s just go grab breakfast.”

“You’re in luck, old buddy, old pal, because I’ve got just the—”

“Anything that has a monster in it is an instant no from me.”

Seb and Haigha also weren’t in the mood for seafood, so Alice just dumped the remains beside Walrus.

“Off we go then.”

They found a nice place to eat at and ordered breakfast.

“How much longer ’til we get to the Demon Lord’s castle, Seb?”

“Around two days, give or take. If everything goes according to plan, that is.”

“‘If?’” Alice stopped eating. “You’re telling me we’re still not in the clear?”

“There are a total of two checkpoints in the Land of Mythical Creatures meant to prevent monster invasions that we’ll have to cross. One is run by the Lion Knight Order, and the other is run by the Unicorn Knight Order, the former of which might prove particularly troublesome. I’d recommended taking a detour,” Seb suggested.

“No detours. If they don’t let us through, we’re forcing our way through. Anything else I should know about?”

“There’s also a certain cave we’ll have to pass through if we want to reach the Demon Lord’s castle. Back in my day, it used to be just like any other cave but with an added dash of monster. Nowadays, it’s teeming with all sorts of powerful monsters, and the exit is guarded by the most powerful of the bunch, known as Humpty. Or so I heard.”

Hatta and Haigha went pale at the mere mention of the name.

“Something wrong, you two?”

“A fellow item shop owner once told me to stay the hell away from Humpty at all costs,” Hatta said.

“I’ve also heard some scary things about him. Apparently, he can wipe a party out without even lifting a finger,” Haigha added, shuddering.

“A super-strong monster sounds like fun. Anything else I should know, Seb?” Alice asked.

“The Demon Lord’s castle is right outside the cave, so no.”

Hatta and Haigha knew full well that Alice didn’t back down for anybody and accepted their fate wearily. And so, they were off to the Land of Mythical Creatures.

❤❤❤

ALTHOUGH the monster encounters got progressively tougher, the four managed to successfully reach the Land of Mythical Creatures.

“I suggest we take a short break.”

They treated themselves to a nice cup of tea out on a beautiful grass field.

“Tell us a bit more about these two checkpoints, Seb. All I can remember is that they’re run by some kind of knight orders?” Alice asked.

“That’d be the Lion Knight Order and the Unicorn Knight Order, with the former being the first one we’ll have to cross. I’ve crossed them myself once, actually.”

“Do you think they’ll let a bunch of travelers like us through?”

“Oh, they’ll let anyone through. But only if you prove yourself worthy.”

They tilted their heads in confusion.

“Put simply, we’ll have to open the gate ourselves. But, of course, there’s a catch. Due to its sheer size, the gate won’t budge an inch without applying a tremendous amount of force.”

“So…you’re saying we can’t get it open? Even with our combined strength, Seb?” Hatta asked.

“Even with our combined strength—unless you happen to have an item that conveniently buffs strength.”

“Sadly, I don’t. But I’m sure Haigha’s buffs’ll carry us…” Hatta glanced at his sister. “…through?”

“Can you see it, Hatta?” she said, staring off into the sky. “Onion Boy’s so frightened, he started shivering.”

“Seb…is that who I think it is?” Hatta followed her gaze until he stumbled upon a flock of winged beasts.

“It most certainly is. Get him down here, if you could.”

“No problemo.” Hatta fired his flare gun.

“Aliseb, long time no see.” Dodo came down to ground level.

“Do you know him, Alice?” Haigha asked, hiding behind the table.

“Oh right, you haven’t met before. Haigha, I’d like you to meet the perv who can clear a hundred meters in a whopping five seconds, otherwise known as Dodo.”

“Who you calling ‘perv?’ Besides, there’s nothing ‘whopping’ about my five-second record. You smashed it like it was nothing.”

“I did? Well, anyway, moving on. Dodo, I’d like you to meet our local bulging muscle enthusiast Haigha.”

“Local what enthusiast?!”

“You’re into muscles too? Hoo boy, have we got a looot to talk about. How about we start with biceps?”

“How about we don’t?! S-Stay away from me, you freak!”

Both Haigha and the onion monster seemed genuinely afraid.

“Suit yourself then.” He turned to Seb. “So, what do you want with me?”

“Off somewhere, I see?”

“Thought I’d pay my dragon buddy a visit. Just need to fly past that checkpoint.”

“Must be awfully convenient being able to just fly past any checkpoints, isn’t it?”

“Get to the point.”

“I’ve got a favor to ask.”

Seb asked Dodo to lend a hand, leaving out certain unnecessary details like the fact that they were out for the Demon Lord’s blood.

“Sure, I’m down. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to put these bad boys to good use. Go ahead guys, I’ll catch up with you once I’m done helping out my main man Aliseb.”

Dodo hopped in the coach.

“Hatta, are you sure it’s a good idea to be bringing a monster to the checkpoint?” Haigha asked.

“I’m sure we’ll be just fine. He’s no different from your average overly-jacked middle-aged man, aside from, you know, the wings.”

“I didn’t think we’d ever stoop low enough to ask a monster for help.”

But, sure enough, they did. And so, the five set out for the Lion checkpoint.

❤❤❤

“AND these right here,” Dodo tapped on his shoulders, “these are my deltoids.”

“Please stoppppp. I can’t take it anymore!”

Dodo did nothing but teach Haigha about all the various muscle groups the whole ride. Hatta was fake-sleeping to escape the Dodo’s wrath. Meanwhile, Alice was, of course, catching some sweet, sweet shuteye.

After traversing the mountain roads for a while, they finally reached the coveted checkpoint.

“Freedom at last.” Haigha burst out of the cart, on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“And who might you be, girly?”

“N-No. No more muscles!” An order of burly knights surrounded Haigha. “Goodbye, cruel world…” she murmured and passed out.

Alice took her spot as they carried Haigha back to the coach.

“Which one of you is the commander?”

“You’re looking at him.” A man with a lion’s mane-shaped hairdo stepped forth.

“We wish to cross.”

“You do know that this path leads to the Demon Lord’s castle, right? What business could some pretty little princess like you have he—” He noticed Seb out of the corner of his eye. “Why, I’ll be…if it isn’t Seb.”

“Hello to you too, Lionel. Haven’t seen you around since our days in the Monster Hunting League.”

“Oh, I see.That kind of business. Did you get the king’s permission?”

“We’re in a bit of a hurry, shall we say,” Seb said, deflecting the question.

“You may pass. But don’t expect any help from me or my men.”

“That’ll do just fine. Thank you.”

The knights cleared the way, revealing a massive gate.

“Alice, this thing’s at least ten-meters tall,” Hatta said, staring at the gate. “How do you expect us to get it open?”

“Didn’t you say you crossed it once yourself, Seb?”

“I had obtained the king’s permission beforehand, so I had the Lion Knight Order backing me, and even then, we just barely managed to get it open. Twenty burly men had to all be pushing the gate simultaneously for it to even budge an inch.”

All they could do was sit and marvel at the gate’s majesty.

“Hahaha!” Lionel suddenly burst out laughing. “Run along now, kiddies. Come back when you have the king’s permission.”

“Wait ’til you see our secret weapon. You can come out now.”

Dodo hopped out of the coach, his ominous aura prompting the knights to shift into battle stance.

“Wh-Who the hell’s this?”

“He’s my uncle,” Alice said, not even flinching.

“Why are there wings sprouting from his back?!”

“Oh, those? Those are just props. He’s really into cosplay. Isn’t that right, Uncle?”

“Hi! I’m Alice’s uncle, and I’m really into cosplay. Today, I’ve dressed up as an…angel,” Dodo asserted, also unflinchingly.

The way he just stood there, arms crossed menacingly, brought more to mind a demon than an angel. Hatta, meanwhile, was dying from laughter.

“I-Is he really just your uncle who’s really into cosplay?”

“Did I stutter?” Alice looked him right in the eye.

“O-Okay, sorry.”

It seemed to have worked, surprisingly enough.

“Aliseb, you want me to rip open this gate right here?”

“If you’d be so kind.”

“This won’t take long.” Channeling all of his energy into a single point, Dodo managed to make it budge.

The knights started cheering, as this was the first time anyone had ever made it move all by themselves.

“Hatta,” Alice whispered, not amazed in the slightest.

“Yeah?”

“You know how physical exertion makes humans prone to laughing for seemingly no reason?”

“Actually, now that you mention, yeah. Like when you’re lifting a heavy object and then burst out laughing at something not even that funny.”

“Think the same goes for monsters?”

“Only one way to find out.” Hatta walked up to Dodo, face flushed, pushing the gate open with all his might, and pulled a silly face.

“Pfft!” The tension in his muscles dropped. “Hey, what gives?!”

“That’s his way of showing support.”

“I thought I’d cheer you on a little, you know? Like any good kid would.”

“Oh, my bad.”

What’s even going on anymore? Lionel thought, having completely lost the plot. I’ll just ask Seb. Oh…never mind then.

Seb was busy having tea in the back without a single care in the world.

“You can do it, Uncle! One last push!”

“You got it.” He resumed the intense gate pushing. “Nrrrgh!”

And finally, it opened just wide enough for a coach to squeeze through.

“How do you like our secret weapon?”

“I-I didn’t think it was even possible to open that thing alone. What kind of a monster is he?”

“He’s no monster! He’s my uncle, silly!”

“I see…”

The Lion Knight Order would go on to pass down the legend of Alice’s uncle for many generations to come.

“Come with us, Uncle. We’ll drop you off at your friend’s place.”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

And so, they set off once more.

“Hmm?” Haigha opened her eyes. “I think there’s something wrong with my pillo—”

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.”

“Eh?” The first thing Haigha felt was Dodo’s lap against the back of her head. “Goodbye, cruel world!” She passed out again.

❤❤❤

THE four dropped Dodo off and started heading north. Without any monsters to delay their travel, they managed to arrive at the Unicorn Checkpoint faster than expected.

“Is that really you, Seb?”

“Long time, no see, Uni.”

This time they were greeted by a group of well-kempt young men.

“I’m guessing you’re on a pretty serious mission to come all the way out here?”

“Something like that. I hope you’ll let us cross even without the king’s permission.”

“Well—”

“Well, what?” Alice interjected.

“We’d be more than happy to let you through Seb, but I should warn you that a certain monster—or rather, monsters—have been posing a threat to our checkpoint lately.”

“Monsters?”

“They try to sneak their way past by manipulating us with their foul illusions. They’re likely lurking somewhere nearby as we speak.”

All eyes were on Haigha.

“What am I supposed to do about it?” she sputtered.

“Does the Poem of Jabberwocky ring any bells?” Alice asked.

“That spellbook drains way too much energy for me to cast a protect spell on all of you,” Haigha retaliated.

“Who said anything about protecting? Just dispel whenever needed, and you’ll be fine.” Alice turned to Uni. “If we capture these illusive monsters alive, will you let us cross in peace?”

“Of course. But are you sure you can handle it, miss? If we’re being unreasonable, just let us know.”

“I think I’ll manage just fine,” Haigha smiled. “Thank you.”

She seemed genuinely pleased by the fact that someone was finally treating her like a normal human being.

Having come to an agreement, they went straight into teatime and patiently waited for the monsters to reveal themselves.

“Huh, when did these get here?”

Two large potatoes had appeared right next to Haigha, seemingly out of nowhere.

“That’s them! Move!” Uni yelled as the potato monsters shot out their sprouts, giving Haigha no time to react as they hit her.

“Ahaha! Hahaha!”

“Haigha?! Snap out of it!”

“Hahaha! Eat this!” Haigha attacked Hatta, dealing zero damage. “And this!” Haigha attacked Hatta, again dealing zero damage.

Her offensive abilities were, to put it mildly, less than ideal.

“Ahaha! How about this!” Haigha cast Attack Damage buff. Onion Boy’s attack damage increased. “And this!” Haigha cast Attack Damage buff again. Onion Boy’s attack damage increased again. “And some of this!” Haigha cried, casting Attack Damage buff again. Onion Boy’s attack damage, in a shocking turn of events, increased again.

Onion Boy was shivering even harder than he usually did.

“Quit wasting your energy, Haigha!” Hatta cried. “Alice, Seb, I’ll hold her down. You take care of the monsters.”

“On it. Seb, fire up the pan.”

“Way ahead of you.”

“How many times must I tell you two to quit your shenanigans?!”

While they were mucking about, the monsters had made it to the gate, duping many of Uni’s men with their illusions along the way.

“Not so fast!” The monsters dodged Uni’s quicksword. “Are you okay?”

“We’re fine! But, I do have to say, those are some annoying monsters you’ve got on your hands.”

“Tell me about it. They always get away at the very last second. Even my quicksword is no use against those slippery little rascals.”

“We’ll figure something out. But first,” Alice pulled the mushroom monster sandwich from her bag, “allow me to bring Haigha back to her senses.”

“Ahaha! A—” She tossed a piece inside Haigha’s mouth. “Bleurgh!”

“Snapped out of it?”

Although Haigha appeared to have returned to normal, her energy reserves were running on empty.

“There goes that plan. Seb, think of something else.”

“Understood. Uni, I’d like to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind. There’s only two of them, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Is it possible that they’re actually just messing around with you and have no real intention of sneaking past the gate?”

“Judging by the fact that they always head straight for the gate, I’m going to say no.”

“In that case, I’ll need you to procure a canvas big enough to cover the area around the gate.”

“A canvas? I suppose the one we use for our tents will do.”

Uni’s men laid out the canvas in front of the gate, just as Seb had ordered.

Is this going to stop it somehow? Or is he trying to catch it inside the canvas? Alice wondered.

“What you’ll want to do next is—”

“Oh, now I see. Very clever.”

Seb finished dishing out orders and then unwound to a nice cup of tea.

Soon after, Uni’s men removed the canvas. The ground beneath it looked the same as ever.

“All set.”

“Now all that’s left is to sit back and enjoy the show.”

Uni joined Seb. Shortly after, the potato monsters appeared again and, with no one to stop them, made a beeline for the gate, only to fall inside a trap hole.

“I certainly didn’t expect it to be this simple.”

“Once you know your enemy, it’s easy to plan accordingly.”

“I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

Meanwhile, Alice peeked down the trap hole. The two monsters laid at the bottom, unconscious.

<Alice got potato x2!> a thought bubble inside Alice’s head seemed to say.

“Those aren’t potatoes! Those are monsters, Alice. Now put them back!” Hatta ordered.

“You can have one too, jeez! Now quit shouting.”

“That’s not the issue!”

“So anyway,” Alice shifted her gaze to Uni, “mind doing the honors?”

“Right away.”

Once they got done filling in the hole, Uni and his men opened the gate.

“You’re off to the Demon Lord’s castle, aren’t you, Seb? Why else would you pass through here?”

“Caught red-handed.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep my mouth nice and shut. Also, a word of advice. On your way to the monster cave, you’ll come across a spring known as the Fountain of Life. It revitalizes anyone who drinks from its waters, or so I’ve heard. Try it, especially you, missy.”

“Who, me?” Haigha stared in confusion.

“You emanate powerful magical energy. But you abuse it so frequently, it doesn’t fully restore even after resting, does it?”

“I-I guess so, now that I think about it.”

“Go a little easy on yourself every now and then.” Uni smiled. “You deserve it.”

Lionel doesn’t compare to this man, not even close, the four all thought.

“Best of luck in your travels.” He turned around.

“One last thing,” Hatta called out to him. “Think you could spare me some gunpowder? I want to craft a new type of explosive that makes a lot of sound but doesn’t do any damage.”

“I’m not entirely sure why you’d want to do that…but yes, I think I could, but only a little.”

“It’ll do. Thanks.”

And so, having received the gunpowder, they set off north.

The ragtag party consisting of a princess, a butler, an item shop owner, and a whimsical mage were slowly but surely nearing the Demon Lord’s castle.

❤❤❤

MEANWHILE…

“What a lovely garden,” Jean mused, mesmerized by the variety of beautiful flowers on display.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“It’s even better than the one we have! Can we stay just a little longer, please?”

“If you say so,” the Demon Lord complied, unable to say no to Jean’s adorable smile.

Jean went all around the garden, the Demon Lord following closely behind.

“My very own flower fairy.”

“Sorry?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Whew, that was close. I really should avoid using such girly language; it sets a bad example for my minions.

“Jean, we’re going.”

“One last thing, real quick.” Jean gathered a bunch of flowers and sat down

“Jean?”

“Just one moment and,” he put a wreath over the Demon Lord’s head, “there, perfect.”

What is this? The Demon Lord jogged his memory. Could it be a so-called engagement ring? The one typically gifted to the love of one’s life? At least according to my books…

“It really doesn’t suit you, now does it?” Jean giggled. “A gold crown, on the other hand—”

“No, I’m keeping it. The sentimental value matters more to me.”

“I, erm, I’m glad you like it.”

The silly misunderstandings just never ended with the Demon Lord.

“May we proceed with the tour?”

“Only if you catch me first!” Jean slipped through the Demon Lord’s fingers and gunned it, smiling playfully.

“Ha! Think you can outrun me?”

He circled around Jean, placing a hand on his shoulder from the front in a feat of unparalleled agility.

“Whoa?!” Jean quickly grabbed onto his clothes in an attempt to regain balance.

In a miraculous turn of events, they both ended up on the ground with Jean on the bottom and the Demon Lord on top, with both his arms on either side of Jean.

“Are you okay?”

“I-I’m o-okay. P-Please move.”

“Of course.”

Their faces were so close together, Jean felt like he was about to pass out.

“You’re acting strange. Did you…did you get hurt?!”

“I-I’m j-just f-f-fine,” Jean stuttered through his words, unable to produce fluent speech.

“How about we find you a nice bench to rest on?”

“Yeah.”

They sat down on a bench and gazed at the clouds gently billowing across the blue sky together.

“I think I’m getting a bit,” Jean closed his eyes, “…sleepy.” He nodded off, his head conveniently landing against the Demon Lord’s shoulder in the day’s second miraculous turn of events.

Jean’s sleeping face was so adorable, the Demon Lord couldn’t move a muscle. So he just patiently waited for Jean to get up, still as a statue.